Quote:
Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire
I know that everyone has problems. I knew that at least some of my friends here have had particularly bad ones. I hadn't realised, until looking to see what someone I know had posted here had said, that so many of you had had such intense personal traumas that affected you so badly. Such personal attacks on the self, I mean, as against the still bad and upsetting but more "diffuse" stuff that some of us have to cope with, like having the wrong mindset to fully comprehend the bureaucracy of the world, which can still be damned upsetting, but isn't aimed at the individual nor is it done by an individual.
I am so sorry to learn this of you, my adorable sisters, known to me or not! May deity grant you the strength to get through your bad times and reach a happier state!
Much love and hugs to you all,
Esme xxx
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Thank you for the support. ((((Esme)))))
Quote:
Originally Posted by Apocalipstic
What a great plan for taking back the shower! I think I will add music next time too 
Maybe that's the key, to sometimes take back some of the things we fear. Maybe we even take them back with cute stuff we love. Hmmmmmm. something to think on.
Glad you got anxiety meds. I get anxious if I am low on them sometimes. |
**TRIGGER WARNING** Talk of medication and reference to childhood sexual abuse.
Yes, having the meds is as important as the other stuff. Sometimes i forget they even work because I have so much residual anxiety, but then I run out and I realize.
I took another shower with music today before therapy. It wasn't quite as good as Sunday's, because I felt I "had" to shower but it also wasn't triggering the way pre-bathroom-takeback showers were.
I redid the bathroom because I realized the tile in the shower was the EXACT same color as the tile in the bathroom I was systematically abused in as a child. I found I couldn't stop staring at the tile and having intrusive memories and flashbacks. I even picked out a shower curtain that matched the tile. I don't know why it took me so long to realize...
Anyway. I threw away that damn shower curtain and ordered a beautiful mermaid one, mermaid decals for the inside of the shower, bright blue beautiful towels that perfectly match the mermaid's hair, and an over the toilet storage unit. I also want to get some nice candles when I can. It made SUCH a difference to my life to reclaim that space.
I was avoiding showers, cleaning the bathroom, even using it. Id hold it until the last possible second. It was no way to live. It hasn't been magic but it, along with my work in therapy, has made a huge difference.
I had a good therapy session today and feel like I am doing good trauma work. I didn't do EMDR but did a very successful visualization. I like the way my therapist is letting me take the lead right now but is also a really good support.