Quote:
Originally Posted by BullDog
Lol, Julie about the harsh. I get the issue you speak of but I don't think going around saying lesbian butches are judgmental is going to help make things better, especially since not all of us do that. It seems just as judgmental to me, raising the specific issue does not.
I feel a lot of anti lesbian sentiment in bf circles. I also see some lesbians in bf spaces not respecting gender and diversity (insisting on calling everyone ladies, etc).
I am a stone butch and a lesbian. I've heard remarks from some lesbian butches here about stone or chest surgery being a male issue and they want their own space. I scratch my head, cuz I am a stone butch and a lesbian.
Then there are people who think of lesbian and stone butch being completely opposite of each other. They say they are stone and don't have lesbian sex. Again, I scratch my head.
So yeah I have seen lots of judgements from all different angles.
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This why, in person, I skip the ID thing completely and just go to the bit that matters to me, that they see themselves as women or genderqueer on some level and that in the bedroom they have at least part time, a dick. Or have fantasies about it and would like to try it. That I am happy to perform all sorts and various things on their vaginas, if they see their bits that way, I am a lesbian as well as a queer, but I tend to say descriptive desire words for them like hard, stiff, etc rather than wet and if that upsets or offends them or makes them feel invisible then we shouldn't be having sex, it's a bad match as I don't wish to make them feel devalued for who they are.
I'm happy to fist, gspot stim, hand use a dildo, vibrator etc, but describing what I'm doing as penetrating a vagina, even though that's what I'm doing and bloody enjoying it, doesn't really get me there. I may enjoy the feeling of wetness with my fingers, but I don't really enjoy the words aurally. I'm also happy to be with certain kinds of stones. I'm pretty inclusive and happy with many types of gender and sexuality. I'm happy I'm fairly flexible about this. I wish I was more flexible with being a sub, but I have learned through trying that tips just not within my capacity, no matter how much I wish I was mostly a domme or a true switch. I would have so many dates if I could hook up easily with brat switch butches (60% brat bottom, 40% service top/Top/Dom)The hills are thronging with them.
Do I feel pressured by femmes to conform? No. When a femme on line talks about the correct way to be femme, I roll my eyes. When a bunch are talking about being treated like a princess or courted and woo'd and swept off their feet and sighing, I feel like an alien species but I know so many femmes in person that are boxers, mechanics, forestry rangers etc and who would find that somewhat absurd. The ones in person I do know like that are Dommes. They want to be worshipped and adored and they will give back in truckloads, all they hot dominant sex a butch could ever want.
On line I just feel very different. In person I sometimes do, but mostly not. A chunk more than I did in London. But really it's the butches that I feel not up to par with. Not the femmes. I watch all the fawning back and forth and feel quite lumpy and Lurch like. Because it seems people "get" that way of flirting in bf on line space. In person I piss ass about and smart ass and laugh and use dark humour. On line... I just can't do the flutter and giggle and shimmy and oh you big daddy you, can I sit on your lap... I just can't. It's so not me. So it looks contrived. It probably isn't for every who is doing it but for me it would be.
And like Martina, I don't describe my experience in life engendered. I don't do things because I'm a femme or because I'm a woman. Having someone tell me "oh you picked that table because you are a woman" makes me very irked. Or telling me the same thing because I'm femme. Equally irked. It is very hard to come back from a place where butch and femme and genderqueer and trans just *is* (something you be) rather than... Placed into the language so so so much. (,something you talk about and define. And talk about some more. And point out. And state. And reference. And attach to ordering coffee).
<:/