Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Communication 101: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

violaine · 06-15-2010, 11:58 PM

[QUOTE=Medusa;130975]Example 1: Medusa posts a thread called "Cosmetic Tips for Femmes" and states that she would like other Femmes to come in and give their ideas and tips for make-up application.

The first post in the thread is June saying "I dont wear cosmetics because I feel that cosmetics are sexist and I dont need them due to my natural beauty."

Medusa reads that and immediately feels defensive because June says that she feels that cosmetics are sexist and Medusa doesnt want to be seen as engaging in a sexist activity so she feels the need to defend her right to wear cosmetics. She also wonders if June is passive-aggressively alluding to the idea that Medusa is really an ugly hag by saying that she doesnt need the cosmetics due to her natural beauty.

Medusa gets angry and posts a retort that says "Well, hell, if you dont wear cosmetics then why the hell are you in this thread? Its CLEARLY marked for people who wear cosmetics!!!"

What just happened?

if i were to start a thread on cosmetics, i would invite all sorts of opinion. i am not sure that i see anything 'wrong' with june's comments in this example, and if anything, i would consider a sense of playfulness with 'natural beauty' - and/or an appreciation. wondering if the person was being passive-aggressive, and then becoming defensive [based on perception], seems a short route to engaging conversation.

What GOOD communication skills can be employed in the above scenario?

maybe asking questions prior to making unsavoury immediate connections to you could be helpful, and if responses differ from your own, with any strong/negative emotions following - wonder on presence of expectations?

What BAD communication skills were employed in the above scenario?

opposing views and seriousness are not the same as negative/bad communication to me- and unless a person is typing in lots of caps, and/or a moderator comes in to smooth things over, i may not even notice - be looking for- the 'worst'. if 'clearly' was not capitalised, and a question asked on 'sexism', the topic may have easily taken another turn.

Do you see the potential for the ugly there?

only because of the set-up, in other words, the mention of 'defensive/defensiveness/passive-aggressive'.

06-15-2010, 11:58 PM	#12
violaine Timed Out How Do You Identify?: atypical Preferred Pronoun?: plague words and phrases Relationship Status: love wise guys of the avian world Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: wekiva springs basin Posts: 3,236 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,934 Thanked 3,294 Times in 1,301 Posts Rep Power: 0	[QUOTE=Medusa;130975]Example 1: Medusa posts a thread called "Cosmetic Tips for Femmes" and states that she would like other Femmes to come in and give their ideas and tips for make-up application. The first post in the thread is June saying "I dont wear cosmetics because I feel that cosmetics are sexist and I dont need them due to my natural beauty." Medusa reads that and immediately feels defensive because June says that she feels that cosmetics are sexist and Medusa doesnt want to be seen as engaging in a sexist activity so she feels the need to defend her right to wear cosmetics. She also wonders if June is passive-aggressively alluding to the idea that Medusa is really an ugly hag by saying that she doesnt need the cosmetics due to her natural beauty. Medusa gets angry and posts a retort that says "Well, hell, if you dont wear cosmetics then why the hell are you in this thread? Its CLEARLY marked for people who wear cosmetics!!!" What just happened? if i were to start a thread on cosmetics, i would invite all sorts of opinion. i am not sure that i see anything 'wrong' with june's comments in this example, and if anything, i would consider a sense of playfulness with 'natural beauty' - and/or an appreciation. wondering if the person was being passive-aggressive, and then becoming defensive [based on perception], seems a short route to engaging conversation. What GOOD communication skills can be employed in the above scenario? maybe asking questions prior to making unsavoury immediate connections to you could be helpful, and if responses differ from your own, with any strong/negative emotions following - wonder on presence of expectations? What BAD communication skills were employed in the above scenario? opposing views and seriousness are not the same as negative/bad communication to me- and unless a person is typing in lots of caps, and/or a moderator comes in to smooth things over, i may not even notice - be looking for- the 'worst'. if 'clearly' was not capitalised, and a question asked on 'sexism', the topic may have easily taken another turn. Do you see the potential for the ugly there? only because of the set-up, in other words, the mention of 'defensive/defensiveness/passive-aggressive'. Last edited by violaine; 06-16-2010 at 12:11 AM.