[kassykit]

I will say that I have dated online for years. Part of my reason for this is I am not very confident in my real life. I also work at a major University in the bible belt!

In my real life I have to put on a mask of self-assurance, calm, and being in control. I hide behind various defense mechanisms to keep the real me from those who would hurt me.

I am a submissive woman. I am attracted to women. I do not care if a woman is butch, femme, or anywhere on that spectrum. I work in a job where I have to appear dominant. I have to be strict. I could never even hint that I am malleable, bendable, and well that i like my partner to "take control." It simply would not be appropriate.

Secretly I crave to find the one woman who doesn't mind my being on my knees so to speak. Someone who is comfortable being the dominant partner in the relationship. Someone who knows the difference between being in charge and being an abusive asshole. (If that makes any sense). So by dating a person online first I can get to know them, well at least the picture they paint of themselves.

I am not a skinny girl. People have told me I am pretty but well I rarely feel that way. I am awkward, introverted, and caring. The face I show to the world is none of those things. I play the role of extroverted PhD Candidate pretty darn well, and I hate it.

Does anyone else just crave for a place, a person that they can just be the person they are on the inside? Here, online, at least I can in the smallest bit. Yes, my ultimate dream is to find myself a partner who is dominant, self-assured, and secure in herself (or if preferring male pronouns, himself).