Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Stone--Personal Definitions

Cin · 10-25-2013, 05:13 PM

I have tossed around the definition of stone butch for myself. Ultimately I decided it didn’t exactly fit and might be a bit of false advertising. Although truthfully it seems that in my life not identifying as stone has caused more problems. If you don’t say you are stone the expectation is that you are open with your body, at least to some degree. In my opinion I am to a degree, but that is subjective and others have disagreed. I guess I would say I’m 85/15 stone.

But I would hesitate to take the definition of stone because I don’t seem to fit some of the criteria that might be an expectation should I claim the identity. For example I don’t cum getting someone else off. I enjoy it immensely but that is all. For me not being touched is to a degree about not caring to surrender and it is also about not enjoying the focus on my body. But I still can’t get off focusing on hers and sometimes I need a release. I do identify with not taking my clothes off easily. I need to trust before that can happen. I'm not sure what that is about except control. Another piece that is missing for me that I hear many stone butches talking about is butch cock. I don’t have a butch cock which is probably why it doesn’t get off fucking someone. I very much enjoy strapping on and fucking my femme’s brains out, but I am not capable of viewing it as an extension of my body and I don’t cum doing it. Interestingly enough I can easily cum if I leave off the dildo and just fuck cunt to cunt but it doesn't work to call it my cock. Another aspect of being stone for some butches seems to be getting head on their butch cock. I don’t have a butch cock so I can’t feel it that way but beyond that I don’t care for receiving oral sex. I can live with it, but I find it a rather focused process that makes me a tad uncomfortable. It requires more attention to my clit than I am able/willing to live with a good percentage of the time. However I rather enjoy being penetrated every now and again. That 15% is mostly about that. I have no problem with penetration in any form. I’m just more interested in pleasing than I am in being pleased. More interested, but not dead to the idea of getting some for myself once in awhile.

So stone was never something I felt comfortable taking as an identity. But I have always been open and willing to engage in conversation about what I need and what I am capable of bringing sexually to a relationship. I am also willing to hear what my partner needs and is capable of bringing as well. I’m lucky to have found someone I am compatible with but we are both willing to make some compromises some times. That’s important I think. Being able to be comfortable making a compromise for your partner without the personal cost being too high. There are some things that it is impossible for me to compromise on, some stuff is just a no go, but I am always willing to consider stretching and extending my limits. Getting outside my comfort zone is pretty rewarding. I guess that is also why I feel I can’t take the identity of stone. However, not saying hey I’m stone has caused me some problems with expectations and I’ve been a source of disappointment to a few femmes in my life, but thankfully that’s over.

I’m just posting this here in case there are others like me who feel they might be stone but don’t feel they exactly fit the definition and hesitate to disappoint or confuse by claiming it. You’re not alone. It’s a challenge as how to identify. Fortunately we have our words and an open honest dialogue with a potential partner goes a long way.

10-25-2013, 05:13 PM	#121
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,805 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,326 Thanked 10,619 Times in 2,489 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I have tossed around the definition of stone butch for myself. Ultimately I decided it didn’t exactly fit and might be a bit of false advertising. Although truthfully it seems that in my life not identifying as stone has caused more problems. If you don’t say you are stone the expectation is that you are open with your body, at least to some degree. In my opinion I am to a degree, but that is subjective and others have disagreed. I guess I would say I’m 85/15 stone. But I would hesitate to take the definition of stone because I don’t seem to fit some of the criteria that might be an expectation should I claim the identity. For example I don’t cum getting someone else off. I enjoy it immensely but that is all. For me not being touched is to a degree about not caring to surrender and it is also about not enjoying the focus on my body. But I still can’t get off focusing on hers and sometimes I need a release. I do identify with not taking my clothes off easily. I need to trust before that can happen. I'm not sure what that is about except control. Another piece that is missing for me that I hear many stone butches talking about is butch cock. I don’t have a butch cock which is probably why it doesn’t get off fucking someone. I very much enjoy strapping on and fucking my femme’s brains out, but I am not capable of viewing it as an extension of my body and I don’t cum doing it. Interestingly enough I can easily cum if I leave off the dildo and just fuck cunt to cunt but it doesn't work to call it my cock. Another aspect of being stone for some butches seems to be getting head on their butch cock. I don’t have a butch cock so I can’t feel it that way but beyond that I don’t care for receiving oral sex. I can live with it, but I find it a rather focused process that makes me a tad uncomfortable. It requires more attention to my clit than I am able/willing to live with a good percentage of the time. However I rather enjoy being penetrated every now and again. That 15% is mostly about that. I have no problem with penetration in any form. I’m just more interested in pleasing than I am in being pleased. More interested, but not dead to the idea of getting some for myself once in awhile. So stone was never something I felt comfortable taking as an identity. But I have always been open and willing to engage in conversation about what I need and what I am capable of bringing sexually to a relationship. I am also willing to hear what my partner needs and is capable of bringing as well. I’m lucky to have found someone I am compatible with but we are both willing to make some compromises some times. That’s important I think. Being able to be comfortable making a compromise for your partner without the personal cost being too high. There are some things that it is impossible for me to compromise on, some stuff is just a no go, but I am always willing to consider stretching and extending my limits. Getting outside my comfort zone is pretty rewarding. I guess that is also why I feel I can’t take the identity of stone. However, not saying hey I’m stone has caused me some problems with expectations and I’ve been a source of disappointment to a few femmes in my life, but thankfully that’s over. I’m just posting this here in case there are others like me who feel they might be stone but don’t feel they exactly fit the definition and hesitate to disappoint or confuse by claiming it. You’re not alone. It’s a challenge as how to identify. Fortunately we have our words and an open honest dialogue with a potential partner goes a long way.