I tend to be a very private person but I feel this is worthy of public discussion. I read in several posts about some of you having Narcissistic mothers. My heart goes out to you, it truly goes out to you. I share that family dynamic as well.
My mother is a Covert Cerebral Narcissist. She is highly intelligent, has psychic abilities and an impeccable facade. All of the dysfunction in our family is very insidious. It looks like one thing when in reality there is something else going on, and that something else is a taboo subject, you never bring it up. Well, being a rebel I did bring it up. I used to say there is so much BS swept under the rug that you can't see across the room. When I did, I became my Mothers enemy. I don't want to go on and on about the what's and how's of that reality. What I do want to share is how it felt.
The were some realities that were true. Meals were on time, our home was clean and pleasantly decorated, my parents worked, and our lives looked pretty much like that of every other family on our block. And then there were the ghosts of the emotional dishonesty and abuse that echoed through our lives.The ghosts were denied, yet kept whispering. Very confusing for an adult let alone for kids. It felt like standing on a tight rope balanced on one foot. You can see the ground but weather or not it is safe to try and step on it is never guaranteed.
People always say I am so calm and peaceful and I am, I'm very Scandinavian in that way. But is also surprises me because that little tight rope walker was always an underlying energy in my being. An anxious little bird. I spent many years following this and that Spiritual teacher, an honest journey but also looking for healing and to understand what was going on.
A few years ago I decided to try a new type of therapy. It's called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (
EMDR) I'm a big fan, partly because I was lucky and had a fabulous counselor. On about the third visit she asked me to go to this website.
“Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers”. She said take a look at it and tell me what you think of it on our next visit.
Curious, I looked at it that night. OMG for the first time in my life the ghosts had a name. My feelings although denied were true. It was like an outline of what went on. What a freaking relief and sad reality all at once. It was a bit like seeing the sun rise for the first time.
Why I like EMDR. Say something happens to you that you are not able to feel and process, what ever that is. The way I see it the feelings become frozen and need a place to be stored. So they lodge in your body somewhere. Kind of like putting food in the freezer for later. For me talk alone does not move and resolve the energy of the event from my body. So while my mind understands what happened, I still don't feel better. EMDR actually allowed me to process, feel and release the events.
I believe that the the left and right brain stimulation produces a theta state of mind which (for me) allows me to relive painful events in an objective way, and often allows me to understand things I was unable to before. It feels safe and I feel curious even when it's intense. I feel like it helped me make real progress and even look forward to doing the work.
"Theta brainwaves correspond to a state of mind associated with dreams and waking dreams, as well as a deep meditative state. Theta brainwaves are slower than the Beta and Alpha activity we normally have in daily life. ... In a Theta state, you tap into the creative and intuitive resources of your mind."
Well, the book will follow. HAHAHAHA Sending love to all of you on this journey.