[MissItalianDiva]

Well for me personally I do not associate my femmeness with my sexualty. I just have never connected the two. Perhaps it is because even as a child I was ultra femme. I remember throwing fits if my mother or father told me I could not wear a dress. Everything I did was feminine.

I got a box full of pictures last night of my amazing father and me. There is one particular picture that made me laugh. I was 4 and sitting in a chair next to my dad at his work and my legs were crossed. Then as I flipped through every picture where I happened to be sitting...my legs were cross. Also there just are not very many pictures where I am in anything but a skirt and dress. I realize clothing does not distinct a femme from non femme or what not but I did think it was interesting.

As I grew into my preteens and realized I was not attracted to men I was open about it. So by the time it came out my family didn't even do a double take. I think everyone just knew. Now with that being said outside of my family was a completely different story and one I still deal with today. Such comments are and have been made that I am too pretty or too femme and even too girly to be gay.

My response to that is to always calmly question their comment. How am I too femme to be gay what does that mean. Usually they call their own bs when they open their mouth to say well most gay/lesbian women are masculine looking or tomboys. It always seems in my experience that once they verbalize their closed minded theory that an aha moment comes and they realize they have unfairly boxed a portion of society. One of my biggest new peeves is the assumption that I am not a femme lesbian because I have two children. Makes me just want to take them to the library and make them read books on alternative methods of conceiving. I guess my hope for society would have been that by now they realize that even in the LGBTQI community we do have children and come in all sorts of different styles just like the heterosexual community.

Being ultra femme is not always easy just like some of the other classifications within our community. I have dated butches and transmen who have blatantly told me they feel I might be bi because I am so feminine and even have said well you "look straight" that is the one that ticks me off. How the heck does one look straight. It can be hard to date because being ultra femme apparently does not give of the same signals as let's say a butch. It is irritating at times especially considering I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to dating. I feel out of place approaching someone I am interested in. So I have learned to find tactful and creative ways of flirting.

I am going to stop rambling now and just end by saying I love all my ultra femmeness and even though it comes with issues here and there...so does everything else in life. I love being a heel wearing,makeup loving,dress wearing femme. That is me and I don't really give two hoots at this point in my life about anyone not accepting my femmeness or thinking that I am too femme to be gay.