For the past several weeks I've relived a severe trauma that pretty much destroyed my life. To be honest, there have been moments that I didn't think I was going to make it through. Events have surfaced from the sub-conscience to the conscience and it is riveting to put it mildly. Since so much of this is fear based and deeply emotional, it's daunting to move through memories and keep my head on straight. I don't feel like myself; not even the same person. Worse, I think the damage is irreparable. For a long time I believed that I could beat this thing by purging the memories and the shock associated with them from my system. I feel like I've changed on the inside and I don't think the me that I knew will ever return. That saddens me beyond words. I can't help wondering who I'll be through the course of time after enduring hell for so long.
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