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Old 08-25-2011, 08:31 AM   #15
sylvie
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Moving home in OR with Him VERY soooon !!
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Today's Update:

weighed in this morning, to a 4 lb gain.. :: sad face ::
i am struggling emotionally, i wanna throw it all to the wind and give up, but seriously, it's 4 lbs.. i know i can lose that again, and i know i made some bad choices which is why i gained it...

Jennifer said in another thread, that i should celebrate the overall loss, because it's still a good loss of weight.. Sometimes it really helps to hear the positives and motivation from others, and that's why i have this thread.. it not only keeps me accountable, but motivated..

i made the mistake of binging on Monday, and although i didn't physically stick my fingers down my throat to purge it, i am able to do so just by thinkin it, and it will come up.. my body is trained to act on my want or need to do it, which is a pretty scary thing sometimes.. i didn't fully void all the food i had consumed, only a little because as i was, i was so disappointed in myself for falling back to old habits...

The overwhelming guilt i had for keeping the rest of that food in, however... i can't even explain, i had the inner fight with myself - and so now today, seeing that weight gain made me think back to "why didn't i just DO it".. now, i'm mad at myself for even thinking that. While i have the stinkin' thinkin' within me still, i also have the healthier thinking too, and know that i need to make changes.. so my thoughts get overwhelmed at times like i am spinning in circles and can't find my way!!

VERY thankful for this thread today - getting this out there, helps me see i CAN and WILL get back on track.. This is a bump in the road, not a reason to give up!
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my Mantra:
i am letting go of angers, continuing to find forgiveness, welcoming inner peace & deserving of it all.



my facebook weight loss page:
http://www.facebook.com/asyllyjourney
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