[sylvie]

Went to another f2f meeting Monday night..
i got me an actual Sponsor and have committed to Monday night meetings every week, and have Monday evenings off which works out well.

For a long time i have had much anger over f2f meetings.. Walking into that building brought me much anxiety, and so now in finally accepting i can't do this alone i realize it's never been about the people in those meetings or the content - but it's been 'me' all along..

It's taken me a full year to fully accept that i am powerless over food and need help, & that i can't do this all on my own.. i have been stubborn in thinking i could, and continue to take my own steps, and continue to work on this and that but, i always , ALWAYS come back to where i started, because i can't climb over that hump that helps me move forward..

Frustrating, yes..
Disappointing, yes..
But, being completely honest here - it's the first time in my life i have felt some sort of understanding of what is going on with me.. It's very baffling, and these last 2 months have been a complete power struggle within myself and i've let go of my program somewhat and am now finding myself in a pickle where it would take me a mere moment to relapse if i'm not completely mindful each and every day..

So this is where i need to pick it up, dust myself off, find my priorities and get back to working hard & not just saying i'm going to..

Posting this post is holding myself accountable..