Quote:
Originally Posted by Medusa
I liked what you said, IslandScout!
I also agree with you that intention is the root of expression.
I think that when we post here or interact with another person that we generally know our own intention. Maybe we intend to just relay an experience or maybe it's about finding common ground. I'd like to think we try to get our intention across by being really thoughtful about the words we use and how we frame our position.
There are, of course, people who say or do things who are not in touch with their intentions. They might say "I didn't intend for that to feel ugly to you" and truly mean that but it might be a scenario when they said something like "That skirt you're wearing is the ugliest thing I have ever seen".
While they didn't intend for that to feel ugly (maybe they thought they were being helpful), I might wonder if they are really out of touch with how their words affect other people. Something about insensitivity maybe?
And perhaps this might fit in the "Duplicity" thread. If a person says or does something that feels really ugly, and perhaps it's something really overtly ugly, but the person is so out of touch with how what they do affects others, is it duplicity? Or are they just an insensitive, self-centered asshole?
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I might have to rethink this some but to me, duplicity is a deliberate attempt to be deceitful.
People, including ourselves, can say many things that may make others feel badly. We might say it nicely and sweetly and only nick their ego a bit. Or we might say it with brutal honesty which may feel more like being hit with a 2x4.
Communication is a 2 way street. It is not only what and how something was said, it is also how it was received. And there can be complicated aspects playing into both things.
For example, if I am feeling rushed for time or have a lot on my mind, I tend to be more direct. If I am in a relaxed mood, I can be more gentle and cautious with the words I use. If I dont recognize someones mood i.e. if they are feeling insecure or something, a direct answer is likely to lead to a bad place. If they are just unsure, a direct answer might be reassuring. Tricky stuff.
Using your skirt example, it would feel like duplicity to me if I didnt think the skirt was flattering to you and felt forced to say wow that is lovely. That, to me, would be deceitful.
That make sense?
Like Tick, I am quite used to being told I am too literal. Seems to happen when people use words or phrases in ways that are unfamiliar to me. Thus, I am confused as to what they really mean.