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imperfect_cupcake · 09-23-2017, 06:53 PM

If you mean "changing the bar" yeah, there are things I've changed in the last five years that I thought were really important and found out were actually just icing things.

1) Dress sense. I do find large urban metropolis metrosexual masculine (dandy wear) to be insanely hot. Just do. Sharp urban dress sense can turn my head on the street, it's pretty much one of the only things that can. I used to think that meant a partner needed at least a bit of that.
No, it doesn't, not at all.
As long as they have some fucking clue about how to iron shirt/jeans (even a high quality tshirt) and wearing good clothes (I mean, things that aren't worn out) and *clean,* and know not to wear a fucking baseball hat, hiking boots, or a polar fleece jacket on a date - then I'm good. Just show me you've taken 20 minutes to try? (environment appropriate of course). Because people showing up looking like they popped on something "this doesn't smell yet" isn't hot. My bar is still higher than that. Yes it's happened. A lot. Vancouver, innit.

2) They need to ID as a butch, and have been IDing for at least 5 years.
I remember why I made that rule, and I think at the time it was OK. I was dating purely from the dash site, and thus only from the US, and it was 1999-2003. I think I got very fed up with people discovering they were butches, that a femme desired them, then running off and shagging every femme that moved in their direction.

Being "My First Femme" was pissing me off at that point.

However, when I moved to the UK the whole ID thing isn't the same puddle as it is in the US. So, I had to change it and drop that bar again. Yes, I put my shingle out again as My First Femme, quite a bit, and yes, that did smart, but I started getting teased by friends that "well babs, everyone has a purpose in life... you sure are educating a lot of newbie butchies lolz" :s
I'd just joke back I took my Butch Conversion Kit with me wherever I went.
It doesn't bother much anymore. I don't really care if people shag other folks, I've never cared too much about that. It's the running off and having new primary relationships that has pissed me off.
But that bar has changed - I no longer care too much about other girlfriends anymore either. As long as I don't get Drama By Proxy (DO NOT pull me into any other relationship drama, I'm not interested, EVER, and it will end ours really *fast*). So I think I'm ok with being My First Femme, still. Hypothetically. I'm not out there presently.

So yeah, bars like that shift. Some are icing (like dress sense) and some are really important questions - Do I take up with newbs? What about open r'ships? What kind?

09-23-2017, 06:53 PM	#23
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	If you mean "changing the bar" yeah, there are things I've changed in the last five years that I thought were really important and found out were actually just icing things. 1) Dress sense. I do find large urban metropolis metrosexual masculine (dandy wear) to be insanely hot. Just do. Sharp urban dress sense can turn my head on the street, it's pretty much one of the only things that can. I used to think that meant a partner needed at least a bit of that. No, it doesn't, not at all. As long as they have some fucking clue about how to iron shirt/jeans (even a high quality tshirt) and wearing good clothes (I mean, things that aren't worn out) and clean, and know not to wear a fucking baseball hat, hiking boots, or a polar fleece jacket on a date - then I'm good. Just show me you've taken 20 minutes to try? (environment appropriate of course). Because people showing up looking like they popped on something "this doesn't smell yet" isn't hot. My bar is still higher than that. Yes it's happened. A lot. Vancouver, innit. 2) They need to ID as a butch, and have been IDing for at least 5 years. I remember why I made that rule, and I think at the time it was OK. I was dating purely from the dash site, and thus only from the US, and it was 1999-2003. I think I got very fed up with people discovering they were butches, that a femme desired them, then running off and shagging every femme that moved in their direction. Being "My First Femme" was pissing me off at that point. However, when I moved to the UK the whole ID thing isn't the same puddle as it is in the US. So, I had to change it and drop that bar again. Yes, I put my shingle out again as My First Femme, quite a bit, and yes, that did smart, but I started getting teased by friends that "well babs, everyone has a purpose in life... you sure are educating a lot of newbie butchies lolz" :s I'd just joke back I took my Butch Conversion Kit with me wherever I went. It doesn't bother much anymore. I don't really care if people shag other folks, I've never cared too much about that. It's the running off and having new primary relationships that has pissed me off. But that bar has changed - I no longer care too much about other girlfriends anymore either. As long as I don't get Drama By Proxy (DO NOT pull me into any other relationship drama, I'm not interested, EVER, and it will end ours really fast). So I think I'm ok with being My First Femme, still. Hypothetically. I'm not out there presently. So yeah, bars like that shift. Some are icing (like dress sense) and some are really important questions - Do I take up with newbs? What about open r'ships? What kind?