[Femminator]

Thank you for the offer Tru, I really appreciate it.

Miss Tick, She knows she is Butch and not TG . So that is not in question. It's questioning what is Butch and how she wants to present(I think).

To be honest with both of you, she was raised by a very conservative religious family and she struggled to realize she was Butch in the first place and not TG. She never knew anyone gay until her 20's. She says she would like to be 'more' Butch and present more so, but is having difficulty with sorting out the social messages and stigma involved with it. She works at a college and there are all sorts of out Butches there and she says she is not always brave enough to dress like she wants to(more Butch, more masculine clothing, says the clothes she wears sometimes feel girly to her).

When we first started to date, she had longer hair(all cut off now) and was more what I would say is a Soft Butch, but as time has gone by she has indicated that she is and was always less comfortable as that and wants to be more Hard Butch. Fine by me, Butches float my boat, all of them! We have been together for a decade so I am for the long haul, still love her and appreciate her being any type of Butch. She tells me a lot that she hears that voice in her head that tells her she is 'too boyish' when she dresses the way she wants to, and I am pretty sure it comes from how she grew up. So, I think it's more of a growing into herself finally after being what society wanted her to be. Maybe accepting herself finally. She struggled with addiction for years and is 13 years clean and sober this year, so perhaps it's just that she never really took time to figure out what type of Butch she was in the first place. Much less having any type of mentor in it. Also, Tru, maybe you are right, age sometimes makes us question where we are in life and who we want to be.

I have encouraged her to hit this site anyhow and hope she will take me up on it. I think it would be awesome for her to talk to some other Butches.