[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Boots13

Embarass myself? LOL, which time?

How about the crazy guy that filled two tube socks full of unshelled nuts and was swinging them as if wielding war hammers...in front of the courthouse...during lunch break...

and guess who got the call...

I parked the cruiser close enough and after seeing the first sock mangled and walnuts on the roadway, unhitched my mace, approaced
the crazy guy with a whole lotta courthouse onlookers (Judges, Bailiffs, Joe Citizen)
and commanded said Crazy Guy to :

"put your nuts on the hood"
...no compliance..

"I SAID, PUT YOUR NUTS ON THE HOOD"







...nowhere to hide.

Originally Posted by Arwen

Y'all are making me HOWL with laughter here.

ONE of my embarrassing moments (Gods know I have many) involved me wrapping up a tech support call while proofreading an email I was sending to a partner.

Instead of saying, "Thank you for calling XXX. I'm glad I could help you today."

I said, "Thank you for calling XXX. I love you."

There was a pause.

Then she said, "Customer service has gotten a lot friendlier these days."

OMG! I explained what happened but she was very cool about it. So embarrassed because several co-workers heard it as well.

Boots13, you might enjoy the dispatch calls an ex took.

One was "Man down in woman's bush." The other was "Choking on Morningwood [which was a street]".

The first was responded to with the proper response but the driver's partner was overheard to say, "Do you think he wants to be interrupted." While the second was just met with much hilarity as they hauled off to the call.

Originally Posted by Dean Thoreau

I know you will all never beleive this but I have a tendancy to do some pretty stupid things.....quite regularly. When I started teaching K-5th grade kids that did not stopp but has increased dramatically:

I have recess duty with 4 other teachers....Dr. Thoreau hollers for the kids to: "Grab your balls its time to go in" other 4 teachers fall on ground in hysterics.....the next day having realized what I said was wrong I holler: 'Ok kids pick up your balls and hold them" other 4 teachers fall on gorund in hysterics........... Day 3.....Will everyone please grab some balls and line up...... other 4 teachers snicker ....Day 4............. "Keep your balls in your hands"........other 4 teachers blame me for needing to wear depends when they are on recess duty..... Day 5........ Ok everyone time to go in...dont forget your balls..............
That was the last day I had recess duty......


Teaching first grades how to do computer things.....They were not getting the right clcik so I decide; " Ok everyone raise your right hand..now i want everyone to show me their RIGHT CLICK finger".....principal walks by as all 30 second graders were giving me the finger (This is now what all the teachers in my school say when they are upset: Oh right click) and the two assistants went running out of the classroom giggling...


I have the kindergartners in my classroom for computer class...."bethany says.... Dr Thoreau...miles is playing with a worm"
I walk over to miles and tell him to give me the worm...he looks at me..I tell him to put the worm in my hand....he looks at me with major apprehension...
As I am repeating myself I realize what a WORM is..... I say " go wash your hands".....and contemplate going in the teachers room and sticking my head in the gas oven.

luckily i keep my shoes clean and i use licorice flavored laces...since i continually have them in my mouth

Originally Posted by Medusa

I have always wanted to be a singer. I have spent inordinate amounts of time in my car, home, and shower belting out tunes that would bring most folks to their knees. I have warbled loudly with Led Zeppelin, Mariah Carey, and Prince. I have brought myself to tears with the veracity of my voice! I have made my dog weep with joy! My singing! YES! The voice!

Imagine my surprise when my Brother wanted to go out on his 18th birthday and we ended up at a karaoke/strip club. YES, it was a combo. In Arkansas. Imagine that.

After several hours of drinking and watching naked women, people were starting to do karaoke. The urge in me was too great and the little voice in my head said, "Go ahead Angie! WOW the world with your pipes! Show the world that you have been hiding a magical voice under all of that red hair and freckles!"
I just KNEW it would be my big moment! I knew that people would be running up to me , crying, because I had brought such emotion with my song! I knew that record producers would slither out of the dark corners of the club demanding to sign me to recording contracts worth millions of dollars. I knew that my heart would SOAR with all of the love and adoration that people would bestow upon me because of the treasured beauty of my hidden talent! Why, even my own brother would be shocked and amazed by my voice! PEOPLE WOULD BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME AS THE GREATEST SINGER OF ALLLLLL TIME!

I picked a song I knew by heart since I was a little drunk. Well, I wasnt a LITTLE drunk, I was a LOT drunk. I was SO drunk that I had to steady myself on the mic stand when I went up to the front when my name was called.
I squared my feet and assumed what I just knew would be a "star-like" position. Why, I might even play air guitar and sway like AXL ROSE! Because I WAS FUCKING GREATNESS Y'ALL!

Needless to say, when the music started, I had picked the song "Jose Cuervo".
You know the one, an old country standard that would be easy on the pipes (woudlnt want to overwhelm folks rigth off the bat) and I had been singing it since I was 6 so I knew all the words by heart.

When the music started, I began singing.

People immediately covered their ears.

It was THAT BAD.

What came out of my mouth wasnt singing. It was some ancient, diseased, inhuman CATTERWALLING that probably could have been considered an instrument of torture. I immediately knew that something was wrong. My voice sounded MUCH MUCH different on the mic than it did in the car! I sounded like a dying cat. Like a person in great pain at the dentist office. Like a cow that had been run over and needing to be put out of its misery.

I looked out at the audience desperately for some comfort. Where was my brother? If I could just see his face, I could maybe find the notes and actually stay on tune?
Where was he, you ask? He was slunk down in the booth with his face covered in shame. He peaked up at me through splayed fingers and shook his head. It was THAT BAD.

To add great insult to injury, I was so drunk that I forgot to pay attention to the words on the screen and had been singing *what I thought* were the words for the entire song.

Instead of "Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.....", I had been singing:

"HOMESICK WEREWOLF, YOU ARE A PASTY LIME."

In short, I want to tell you all that I was so embarrassed that I rarely do karaoke again without remembering that level of embarrassment. And YES, I still sing karaoke. Badly. And Often. Because really, sometimes you just gotta sing like nobody but you can hear it anyway.

Originally Posted by Just_G

Well, I was on my first date with a femme. Dinner was wonderful, we had desert, coffee, and went out to my truck to leave. As I was backing out of the parking spot, I went to look over my right shoulder. She had pulled the mirror down and was applying lipstick. (keep in mind, this shut my filter off immediately!) Then it happened....the words just came out of my mouth...."Oh good, you brought lipstick!" I wanted to run!

I was praying to every single god known to human that I didn't say it out loud...that I somehow managed to retain that thought in my head. NOPE! She then turned to me, holding up her lipstick, with a big smile on her face, replied: "Did you want some?" She looked puzzled. I know I looked horrified that I would say something so stupid.

After that, all my friends started calling me Chandler. If you are a Friends fan at all, there was an episode where Jill Goodacher offered him gum in the vestibule, and he replied "gum would be perfection." He felt as stupid as I did for saying something so crazy stupid to a woman.

"Oh good, you brought lipstick" I have never lived that down and it was about 10 years ago!

Edited to add: I asked her out again after that and got stood up.

Priceless. You all are PRICELESS!