[AtLast]

Originally Posted by InfiniteFemme

I was told for many years that I was Bi-Sexual... And my response was no, I am a Lesbian, even though I was married. My ex-husband was my best friend and Gay -- We really did have this amazing friendship and loved one another, and through this love, we had two children. Even when I was sleeping with him, I did not feel Bi-Sexual - I still believed in my entire being, that I was a Lesbian.

Even today... People will say, but you were Bi-Sexual, you slept with a man and were married...and for me... It is not about the act of sex - it is about the internal part of my soul that is touched by another woman. That cannot nor has ever been touched by a man. If you took away my ability to be sexual, you could not take away who I am inside. Would I become A-Sexual? Simply, NO!

I am not sure I should have even posted, since I have never felt or identified this way - only labeled as such by my community.

Great topic Merrick - and certainly one we can all learn from.

Julie

What I bolded and underlined is what at times, makes me nuts about what all too often happens within sub-cultures.... labeling.

Also, your speaking to sexuality as not just a physical act, but one of imagination and cognitive dimensions, strikes a deep chord with me. At times, I find that most of what people describe or refer to as sexual activity is very narrow. Absent of the wonders of human sensibilities (as in our multi-faceted senses).

I went through a period of time after a spinal surgery in my early 20's in which I lost my ability to have orgasms. Up to that time, I was certainly active sexually and I knew exactly what I was missing. This occurred when I was actively bisexual.

Though terrified (and angry), I realized that I could go to this pleasure in my mind and things such as scents associated with along with visual perception of being touched by a partner gave me much the same satisfaction because sex, for me goes far beyond orgasms. It is a journey of altered states and perceptions.

Eventually, I regained the ability to have orgasms. yes, I was very grateful. However, this experience brought me to a much broader understanding of sex and sexuality and just my own body. further, it taught me a lot about how our society is quite single-minded about what sex is. Look at the myths that are perpetuated about disabled and elderly people and sex! Or about post menopausal women.

I think becoming asexual is actually pretty difficult unless a person looses cognitive reasoning and function. But, I do believe asexuality is just as valid as hetero, bi, or gay/queer/lesbian. They are all equal in nature to me.