Quote:
Originally Posted by AtLastHome
I would like to know from other butches, how you view the B-F dynamic in terms of how and why you were initially drawn to it. Is it mostly about attraction to femmes for you- or does it run deeper in terms of your butch identity? Maybe you have an attachment to butch historically (going back to what defined butch years ago), within a class, ethnic or racial perspective... or not?
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Good question. I've been thinking a lot about this and related subjects lately, actually, which was sparked by the posts of others on their own identities as well as my own in the male id'd butches vs. FTM thread. Probably more specifically on what drew me and continues to draw me toward the use of butch as far as my identity. We obviously all have different meanings and understandings as far as how we understand ourselves, despite that we may use terms to identify ourselves that are similar to those who have different interpretations of them as far as their own identity.
So the question of what drew me to the B-F dynamic is kind of complicated, I think. First, because I've come to think that butch is nothing beyond what each individual butch understands it to be, and as such I could only be drawn to the dynamic through my own interpretation, I could never be drawn to it as a result of a fixed/universal definition of butch. At the same time, I think that I did have a certain definition of butch in my head when I first encountered the B-F dynamic, but what I chose to see and adopt was more a reflection of what was going on in my head than what the dynamic means to other people (though some do share my thoughts, it's probably nowhere close to being what the majority think).
That said, I think what drew me to the B-F dynamic is exactly that. That I could look at this dynamic and see something of myself in it when I had never experienced that before. I was never able to identify as a lesbian for a number of reasons, primarily because I didn't consider myself female, but as a male born in the wrong body, so to speak. Because of that I felt pretty lost as to what I was and where I might find some sense of myself. Coming into contact with the B-F dynamic was a big relief for me because it gave me the resources to further explore where I was as far as sexual orientation and gender. It also introduced me to femmes, which was the other primary aspect that drew me to the dynamic beyond figuring myself out. I think that when I first came into contact with the B-F dynamic I
did have a set idea of what femme was, what butch was and what the dynamic was, and I do think it was a certain interpretation of what femme/butch was that initially drew me in.
Obviously all those definitions are purely my own since there are as many definitions of butch/femme/the dynamic as there are individuals within it, but I think what I initially interpreted as "femme" was merely what I, as an individual, happened to be attracted to in a femme rather than the definition of femme. I think it was almost like a magnetic reaction in a sense. I was drawn to what most seemed to fit me and what I was attracted to in women and assumed that because I was attracted to that part of the dynamic, that that aspect defined the dynamic.
Yet, obviously most butches don't define butch the way I define butch, but I think that can be said for every butch, whether they share labels (soft, stone, male, woman, female, TG etc.) or not. Hell, there are a million and one definitions of stone butch alone, nevermind every other butch id. Even within the same identities absolutely nothing is black and white. We're all different yet we all still see something within the dynamic that attracts us, and in some cases its entirely different things that attract us.
I think that's really the beauty of the dynamic. The dynamic can be whatever those attracted to it want it to be, because there is a niche, so to speak, within it for everyone that is attracted to it. There was one point in my life where I thought that what was "historically" butch/femme fit me, but then I came to see that other people saw what was "historically" b/f differently.
In short, what initially drew me to the B-F dynamic and to the adoption of butch as a part of my identity was the part of the dynamic that reflected my personality, my gender, my sexual attractions. What continues to draw me to the B-F dynamic (beyond, of course, certain commonalities in gender identification and sexual orientation) is nearly the exact opposite in that my interest is peeked by the fact that it continues to open unfathomable numbers of doors as far as human diversity in gender identity and sexual orientation. I think in that respect its impossible to be boxed into butch/femme (or any identity) since even the most "old school" add their own unique twist as to what they consider butch/femme in themselves.
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