[*Anya*]

I always find it interesting to go back and read posts that I had written a year ago- or even as recently as the one I had posted in this thread on February 1st.

I kind of came "out of the closet" about the 10-year age difference between my sweetheart and I on that date. (I'm the older one!!).

It was very difficult for me then and not difficult at all now to talk about.

I already had gone through what HoneyBarbara describes in her post, when I was in my late 40's, early 50's. I would look around at all the younger femmes and looking at them did make me feel at times, as though I were "less than".

Sometimes, it still gives me pause to look at the 20 and 30-year-olds but it is more nostalgia now than grief.

My life is infinitely happier now than it was 10-years ago. I can't undo the passage of time. Don't ask me if I would-if I could.

I do not know the answer to that. Perhaps only to have met my love sooner but who knows if the stars would have aligned for us then? Things do happen when they are supposed to, even if not on our own personal timetable.

I don't know if aging is more difficult for femmes, than for butches. I can only speak for myself.

I do remember when I was not invisible, when heads turned to look at me and when my body was so tight that you could bounce a dime off of it. Frankly, on some level, that attention made me uncomfortable.

I like that now it is just my butch's face that lights up when I approach. That attention feels warm, comfortable and so welcomed by me.

As long as I am beautiful in her eyes, can walk, talk, think and have hot sex; I am happy and content and feel so very lucky.