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clodie · 01-01-2015, 01:36 PM

I realised I like girls when I was 13-14 and as shallow as it might seem... I was actually pretty excited about this discovery. Although I always preferred girls, I didn't technically dislike boys. Sure if there was a boy and a girl I'd go for the girl... but with no other choice, a guy was almost as good, for a while anyway. I thought I'd rather be a lesbian, I saw straight and gay people as two distinctive groups with nothing in between - and it made me feel like I didn't belong to any of them.

Due to my circumstances I was very isolated as a teenager. I changed school, made two friends and pretty much ignored everyone else. When I first mentioned an upcoming gay parade, I found that one of them wasn't accepting and so I changed the topic. It was a bit shocking, being hated for simply being who I am by a person I considered a friend. I never told her about it and instead I grew closer with the other friend with whom I eventually shared the secret. She was accepting and didn't seem surprised by it.

Unfortunately it didn't end well... she was fine with me liking girls, but turned out to be a bitch. Despite being my friend for many years, after we had a fight, she outed me to strangers (who didn't care, but that's beyond the point) and then she threatened to tell my parents. I'm not close with them, but I know them well enough to know it wouldn't be accepted. I really feared being kicked out of the house and at that time I didn't have any other friends who could help me... I literary wouldn't know what to do and the fear was real. Because I felt she could do it (she was crazy) I was forced to come out to my dad who I knew was a bit more accepting (my mum literary wishes death to people like me). I told him about it so that he wouldn't let her meet my mum... I came out as bi which I think made things a bit easier. When it was all over and my dad told me not to tell my mum and that I won't be kicked out I just cried in my room for a long time because of the stress I went through with the risk of being homeless. He also told me not to share it with people, as if what happened was my fault.

I'm in college now and open about it... but I recently found out that no one outside of my group actually knows because apparently I don't look gay. So even when I mention something or someone hears something else they just dismiss it and forget. My mum still doesn't know and my dad pretends it went away because we never brought it up again.

01-01-2015, 01:36 PM	#48
clodie Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Always she Join Date: Dec 2014 Location: Europe Posts: 6 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7 Thanked 19 Times in 6 Posts Rep Power: 0	I realised I like girls when I was 13-14 and as shallow as it might seem... I was actually pretty excited about this discovery. Although I always preferred girls, I didn't technically dislike boys. Sure if there was a boy and a girl I'd go for the girl... but with no other choice, a guy was almost as good, for a while anyway. I thought I'd rather be a lesbian, I saw straight and gay people as two distinctive groups with nothing in between - and it made me feel like I didn't belong to any of them. Due to my circumstances I was very isolated as a teenager. I changed school, made two friends and pretty much ignored everyone else. When I first mentioned an upcoming gay parade, I found that one of them wasn't accepting and so I changed the topic. It was a bit shocking, being hated for simply being who I am by a person I considered a friend. I never told her about it and instead I grew closer with the other friend with whom I eventually shared the secret. She was accepting and didn't seem surprised by it. Unfortunately it didn't end well... she was fine with me liking girls, but turned out to be a bitch. Despite being my friend for many years, after we had a fight, she outed me to strangers (who didn't care, but that's beyond the point) and then she threatened to tell my parents. I'm not close with them, but I know them well enough to know it wouldn't be accepted. I really feared being kicked out of the house and at that time I didn't have any other friends who could help me... I literary wouldn't know what to do and the fear was real. Because I felt she could do it (she was crazy) I was forced to come out to my dad who I knew was a bit more accepting (my mum literary wishes death to people like me). I told him about it so that he wouldn't let her meet my mum... I came out as bi which I think made things a bit easier. When it was all over and my dad told me not to tell my mum and that I won't be kicked out I just cried in my room for a long time because of the stress I went through with the risk of being homeless. He also told me not to share it with people, as if what happened was my fault. I'm in college now and open about it... but I recently found out that no one outside of my group actually knows because apparently I don't look gay. So even when I mention something or someone hears something else they just dismiss it and forget. My mum still doesn't know and my dad pretends it went away because we never brought it up again.