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girl_dee · 03-10-2018, 04:19 PM

it’s taken me a few days to even try to put an update into words.

When i got to NOLA my mom was still in her PJs late afternoon, not eating (she says she can’t eat and try to breathe at the same time), glued to her recliner and clinging on to the oxygen for dear life. She would not even open a window out of fear of breathing any pollen.

The *Hospice* label put her in a tailspin.

Even with all the grumbling, complaining and saying *i can’t * for even the simplest thing, i got her to go out and get her hair cleaned up. Her hair is an obsession. She was convinced she could not leave her apartment even for a haircut as the portable oxygen would run out. She is not dependent on oxygen but she was convinced she was. She said she nearly didn’t make getting a shower with the nurse as she was without her oxygen for five minutes. Of course none of this is true, but to her it is. i think what frustrates me is that she likes being afraid of everything, its her safe place.

She agreed to go *try* getting a hair cut. She says she could not walk to elevator, so i pushed her in her walker to the car. (While carrying oxygen tank and her things) . The whole time she complained that she was cold and wanted to kill me for making her go out and why am i doing this to her. She says i can’t drive her walker and i am going to smash her into a wall. My heart sunk but i kept moving her.. Got her to the salon and she refused to use her oxygen and walker. i was shocked, but realized her vanity is why she won’t use these things out in the world. So she lived through a hair cut without oxygen. Then she wanted breakfast. So i got her breakfast to last a few days. Her spirit lifted. i was very happy for her.

Then when we got back to her place, she again said she was going to kill me for dragging her out in the cold, but once in her place, she didn’t use the oxygen and even got on her scooter to go visit friends. She was like a new person. She told everyone who came in that i am leaving her.

She has a *friend* that she pays to do every little thing for her. This woman is very dominating and my mom likes being helpless. They feed off each other. She informed me that my mom is pretty much completely helpless. i asked my mom why she wants to be treated like a baby. There was tension.

She’s still doing okay, and i know there will be another episode but for now, she is holding her own. There will be good and bad days, until this is over. The bad days weigh on me as i know she suffers.

i left her in much better shape than when i arrived in only 3 days. It kills me that i cannot help her more, but for my own sanity, i have to keep the physical distance.

i’ll continue to contact her each morning and listen to her as much as i can. It’s the only way i can be emotionally close in any way.

03-10-2018, 04:19 PM	#407
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	it’s taken me a few days to even try to put an update into words. When i got to NOLA my mom was still in her PJs late afternoon, not eating (she says she can’t eat and try to breathe at the same time), glued to her recliner and clinging on to the oxygen for dear life. She would not even open a window out of fear of breathing any pollen. The Hospice label put her in a tailspin. Even with all the grumbling, complaining and saying i can’t for even the simplest thing, i got her to go out and get her hair cleaned up. Her hair is an obsession. She was convinced she could not leave her apartment even for a haircut as the portable oxygen would run out. She is not dependent on oxygen but she was convinced she was. She said she nearly didn’t make getting a shower with the nurse as she was without her oxygen for five minutes. Of course none of this is true, but to her it is. i think what frustrates me is that she likes being afraid of everything, its her safe place. She agreed to go try getting a hair cut. She says she could not walk to elevator, so i pushed her in her walker to the car. (While carrying oxygen tank and her things) . The whole time she complained that she was cold and wanted to kill me for making her go out and why am i doing this to her. She says i can’t drive her walker and i am going to smash her into a wall. My heart sunk but i kept moving her.. Got her to the salon and she refused to use her oxygen and walker. i was shocked, but realized her vanity is why she won’t use these things out in the world. So she lived through a hair cut without oxygen. Then she wanted breakfast. So i got her breakfast to last a few days. Her spirit lifted. i was very happy for her. Then when we got back to her place, she again said she was going to kill me for dragging her out in the cold, but once in her place, she didn’t use the oxygen and even got on her scooter to go visit friends. She was like a new person. She told everyone who came in that i am leaving her. She has a friend that she pays to do every little thing for her. This woman is very dominating and my mom likes being helpless. They feed off each other. She informed me that my mom is pretty much completely helpless. i asked my mom why she wants to be treated like a baby. There was tension. She’s still doing okay, and i know there will be another episode but for now, she is holding her own. There will be good and bad days, until this is over. The bad days weigh on me as i know she suffers. i left her in much better shape than when i arrived in only 3 days. It kills me that i cannot help her more, but for my own sanity, i have to keep the physical distance. i’ll continue to contact her each morning and listen to her as much as i can. It’s the only way i can be emotionally close in any way.