Will,
Where my Godfather is buried at, is pretty close to his son. His son was a policeman, and was killed in a car accident. Thank God above, he died instantly. He had no idea of what hit him, literally. And yes, he was on-duty at the time. So, his son is buried with other policemen and women and firefighters in this one section of the cemetary.
My Godparents used to go to the cemetary every month for hours at a time to be with their son. In doing so, they noticed another couple, late 50's, with lawn chairs sitting next to a grave that was close to their son's. Eventually they began talking. In talking they realized that their only son was also a policeman, and he too was killed while working. However, these folks cannot let him go and go to the cemetary every single day. And they sit there for hours at a time. They schedule their appointments around the time they are at the cemetary. The father retired early from Black and Decker. The mother was a housewife. They sold their home, and moved into an apartment that was cheaper. Life was just so different for them since their son died. They basically lived their lives thru their son. And of course he was their only child. So that is their connection to life.
When we buried my Godfather, we all noticed the elderly couple sitting in their lawn chairs by their son. Still shaken by the events that took place years earlier. Unable to let go. For some people, that is what grief is like.
I think when you plant the rose bushes and clean up your mother's gravestone, you will know what to do & feel that sense of connection.
My sister was not buried. She was creamated. Part of her ashes were spread at different locations according to her wishes. And the bulk of her remains are placed where only family members know of. Sometimes I think it is better that way. It is a guarantee of privacy. The one thing I know I personally don't like is when someone interrupts me when I am at my beloved Grandparents plots, or my Godfather's. It just throws me off. Plus all the rules and regs. that cemetaries now have due to vandalism.
I wish you peace in your journey with this.
Love,
Andrew
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