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Old 08-13-2011, 09:30 PM   #4
EnderD_503
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Queer, trans guy, butch
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlphaDrug View Post
This one might be a little tough, I had a conversation with a friend earlier this week and it sparked an interesting conversation. Our generation seems to not conform to anything anymore, being different for the sake of being different.

A lot of our generation doesn't want to identify as butch, femme, boi, dyke, lipstick, stone, what have you, they want to identify as nothing, and I understand you don't want others to label you, but what if that's clearly what you are or what you lean towards, why not just accept it?

Maybe someone else can explain the reasoning behind it because I know I'm girly, I identify as femme, I'm seriously attracted to butches. That's who I am, what I like, and I'm 100% okay with it. And I know there are butches out there that like butches and femmes that like femmes, and that just peachy, but why not want to be apart of a group that will welcome you with open arms?
Well, I don't actually identify as a lesbian and never really have (I consider myself just queer) so dunno how much I fit in this topic, but anyways, you can let me know if you'd prefer to keep it to lesbians only.

I bolded the part of your post that caught my eye. I know others might disagree with me, but I don't think that a person can be "clearly" butch, or "clearly" femme, or any other identity. Being butch or femme really depends on how you yourself identify. There are some queer folks out there who may "look" butch according to the butch stereotype, but identify as genderqueer, genderfluid, or maybe nothing but straight up (har har) queer. Gender identities and sexualities (which I see as more complex/varied than simply gay/straight/bi, personally) are in many respects abstract concepts, and not only that but the nature of queer culture has often made them fluid/ever-changing. As such, you can't really define what butch is or what femme is, beyond what it means to you. Check out Butch Is A Noun if you haven't already...does a bit of a better job than this post, lol.

Personally, I don't have a problem with others not identifying as anything. In some ways I can sympathise. I think my struggle to define my sexuality (rather than my gender identity, which I've found easier to define) is where I've most sympathised with those who prefer no label at all. As someone who identifies as both male/XX male/transmale as well as stone butch, I've often been asked by those curious if my attraction to femmes means that I consider myself heterosexual. Because of course, if I don't consider myself a lesbian, then I must be either heterosexual or bisexual. I don't consider myself any of the three, but have settled for just queer, or as someone who is attracted to queer/non-heterosexual/non-heteronormative, feminine women. The queer part is very important to me. Like I said, that's where I can sympathise most with those who take on no label at all. Sometimes I think that labeling sexuality is a bit stupid, when you take a look at the sexual practices present throughout the animal kingdom. Why do we need to label sexuality? I can understand doing so for the sake of finding a preferred partner. In that sense, it's of course useful. But because society has been forced for ages to default everyone to heterosexual (despite reality), sexuality has become inherently political...and I think really needs to be political in our day and age.

But what comes afterwards? Will we ever live in an age where sexuality won't matter beyond attracting a certain partner? What is the point of sexuality beyond that? I think some of those people in our generation who don't label themselves have a similar perspective, which drives them to drop labels.

I sometimes feel like people get swallowed up by their identities...that it becomes more than a tool for self-understanding, but starts to dictate how people act, speak etc. The person should precede the identity, not the other way around. And I think that asking people to accept that they're butch/femme/dyke etc. when they don't feel that way/identify that way might lead some toward that kind of "must be butcher/femmer than thou" mentality. Or to act as a stereotypical lesbian/gay man/queer person just to fit in. Some people don't feel the need to be embraced by a smaller niche group like the b/f community. Some just don't feel like they fit that particular community, even if outwardly others think they do. I think that's cool for them, if it works for them.

Which kind of brings us back to the question of what is butch and what is femme. I think it's completely possible to continue to thrive within a strong b/f community without supporting the notion of concrete b/f identities. As long as a person feels they belong to the b/f community, then they should be welcome. It's more about feeling that you belong, and that the community resonates with your identity than what others think you are, imo.

That's my two cents, anyway.
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