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fatallyblonde · 03-06-2014, 05:42 PM

I don't really get it from my friends, cos they're all queer lol XD but I have definitely experienced the incredulity and disbelief...

... I have been discussing elsewhere with others the last few months about how homophobia makes a life of 100% homosexual or same gender attracted behaviour basically impossible. A lot of women will have at least some experiences with a man because of societal pressure not to be gay. Homophobic people will often cite this as 'proof' homosexuality is just a phase when actually it's because the pressure and stigma and difficulty of being gay can be too much to deal with. Internalised homophobia can also be a factor, a very painful one. The whole world around us is telling us the way we love is wrong, unhealthy, gross, sick... I know I have been with men in the past when it just felt easier and I know others looked at that and were like "AH HAH! SHE'S NOT A REAL LEZZO AFTER ALL! JUST A STRAIGHTIE!" they could never understand. I feel like the world at large is often WAITING for us to "end up" with a man and has a grossly simplistic, shallow comprehension of the vast and varying ways homophobia and misogyny can intersect with our desires and dating practices and such.

I actually have a stalker at the moment (long story) who is continuously attacking my sexuality claiming I am a 'pretendbian' for 'social cred'. I find this incredibly upsetting, especially as my entire adult life has been spent as an active member of the queer community and in relationships with women but she is using the couple of times I have been with men (incl trans men) as 'proof' the rest is a sham... (incidentally this woman up until the last year claimed to be 100% straight and not interested in women at all)... it is again a toxic example of the kind of sexuality policing women are subjected to that doesn't take into account our environment and what kind of attitudes we are inured in... (after all some women never ever get the chance to come out and spend their whole lives in relationships with men... that's the impacts of homophobia...) and how we negotiate that and attempt to deal with it. I have PTSD and as a consequence have been very sexually dysfunctional for a couple of years and something this onslaught of hers has made me afraid of is of pushing myself into situations I'm not ready for or am not comfortable with in order to 'prove' something. It is so toxic and evil.

Homophobia has so much to answer for.

03-06-2014, 05:42 PM	#37
fatallyblonde Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: earth Posts: 446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 389 Thanked 769 Times in 181 Posts Rep Power: 7054720	I don't really get it from my friends, cos they're all queer lol XD but I have definitely experienced the incredulity and disbelief... ... I have been discussing elsewhere with others the last few months about how homophobia makes a life of 100% homosexual or same gender attracted behaviour basically impossible. A lot of women will have at least some experiences with a man because of societal pressure not to be gay. Homophobic people will often cite this as 'proof' homosexuality is just a phase when actually it's because the pressure and stigma and difficulty of being gay can be too much to deal with. Internalised homophobia can also be a factor, a very painful one. The whole world around us is telling us the way we love is wrong, unhealthy, gross, sick... I know I have been with men in the past when it just felt easier and I know others looked at that and were like "AH HAH! SHE'S NOT A REAL LEZZO AFTER ALL! JUST A STRAIGHTIE!" they could never understand. I feel like the world at large is often WAITING for us to "end up" with a man and has a grossly simplistic, shallow comprehension of the vast and varying ways homophobia and misogyny can intersect with our desires and dating practices and such. I actually have a stalker at the moment (long story) who is continuously attacking my sexuality claiming I am a 'pretendbian' for 'social cred'. I find this incredibly upsetting, especially as my entire adult life has been spent as an active member of the queer community and in relationships with women but she is using the couple of times I have been with men (incl trans men) as 'proof' the rest is a sham... (incidentally this woman up until the last year claimed to be 100% straight and not interested in women at all)... it is again a toxic example of the kind of sexuality policing women are subjected to that doesn't take into account our environment and what kind of attitudes we are inured in... (after all some women never ever get the chance to come out and spend their whole lives in relationships with men... that's the impacts of homophobia...) and how we negotiate that and attempt to deal with it. I have PTSD and as a consequence have been very sexually dysfunctional for a couple of years and something this onslaught of hers has made me afraid of is of pushing myself into situations I'm not ready for or am not comfortable with in order to 'prove' something. It is so toxic and evil. Homophobia has so much to answer for.