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julieisafemme · 11-09-2012, 10:04 PM

I came out 5 years ago. I left my spouse, told my family and friends and started a new life as a lesbian. I met Greyson and was not looking for a transman or a butch. I just went to a dance. I think the thing that has worked for us is that we have both transitioned together. A teenaged lesbian met a teenaged transmasculine butch! We went through our adolescence together.

I had no anxiety about partnering with a transman because I was not experienced in the butch/femme, lesbian world. I learned pretty quickly that partnering with a transman made me and my relationship different and suspect to many people, queer and straight. In the straight community I was a part of Greyson's gender identity was very difficult to understand. That was surprising to me. It was also surprising to me that in the lesbian community I was not embraced by all. I had the very naive idea that all queer people loved each other.

I am a lesbian femme. I don't feel the need to change my identity. Queer is also a good descriptor for me because that makes it easier for some to understand my relationship.

We don't hang out in exclusively trans or lesbian spaces. We like to and feel most comfortable in queer spaces.

I completely support and understand that some femmes are not interested in partnering with transmen. I don't think they are transphobic. It does hurt when people say "eww" or transmen are this or that. It is not my experience. My partner lived for 30 years as a butch before he decided to transition. He is still a butch. That is his gender and that did not change during his transition.

I do feel invisible as a lesbian. That was hard for a long time. Right now I don't really think too much about it. We are a queer couple and are not stealth. I don't think I could do that. I won't do that.

Sometimes I worry that the "loving a transman isn't easy" puts a huge burden on partners. Loving is hard period! Would my life be any easier if I were partnered with a butch woman? I am partnered with my partner and I love him. It isn't always easy but it isn't always hard either.

There is a space for us. For those who decide that they cannot partner with a transman and those who do.

11-09-2012, 10:04 PM	#12
julieisafemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the present Posts: 828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 3,445 Times in 660 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I came out 5 years ago. I left my spouse, told my family and friends and started a new life as a lesbian. I met Greyson and was not looking for a transman or a butch. I just went to a dance. I think the thing that has worked for us is that we have both transitioned together. A teenaged lesbian met a teenaged transmasculine butch! We went through our adolescence together. I had no anxiety about partnering with a transman because I was not experienced in the butch/femme, lesbian world. I learned pretty quickly that partnering with a transman made me and my relationship different and suspect to many people, queer and straight. In the straight community I was a part of Greyson's gender identity was very difficult to understand. That was surprising to me. It was also surprising to me that in the lesbian community I was not embraced by all. I had the very naive idea that all queer people loved each other. I am a lesbian femme. I don't feel the need to change my identity. Queer is also a good descriptor for me because that makes it easier for some to understand my relationship. We don't hang out in exclusively trans or lesbian spaces. We like to and feel most comfortable in queer spaces. I completely support and understand that some femmes are not interested in partnering with transmen. I don't think they are transphobic. It does hurt when people say "eww" or transmen are this or that. It is not my experience. My partner lived for 30 years as a butch before he decided to transition. He is still a butch. That is his gender and that did not change during his transition. I do feel invisible as a lesbian. That was hard for a long time. Right now I don't really think too much about it. We are a queer couple and are not stealth. I don't think I could do that. I won't do that. Sometimes I worry that the "loving a transman isn't easy" puts a huge burden on partners. Loving is hard period! Would my life be any easier if I were partnered with a butch woman? I am partnered with my partner and I love him. It isn't always easy but it isn't always hard either. There is a space for us. For those who decide that they cannot partner with a transman and those who do. __________________ Happiness Bubbling! Last edited by julieisafemme; 11-09-2012 at 10:09 PM.