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ardentfemme · 01-12-2018, 01:25 PM

Hope y’all don’t mind my reviving this post and adding my two cents.

As a femme, my identity is inherently defined in contrast to butches. I wouldn’t be who I am or love who I love without them. In this sense, I feel completely comfortable stepping out in public with butches because my identity is affirmed in the eyes of passersby and reflected back to me in my butch companion’s smile. Since I am straight-passing, many of today’s hip, anti-butch/femme lesbians don’t accept me because my femininity isn’t considered subversive enough. In a way, being seen with a butch in a public space allows me to feel both empowered by my femininity and subversive of heteropatriarchal values.

Moreover, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the sacrifices those who came before us made just so we could step out the door together. Butches and femmes fought both literally and figuratively for this right. When I’m out with a butch, I feel the weight of our shared history resting equally on our shoulders. Furthermore, it’s a source of pride for me to walk down the street on a wonderful butch’s arm. It allows me to feel like my truest, most authentic self. And, as I’ve posted about previously, the way in which I navigate the world via my femininity shifts when I’m with a butch. My presentation exists not for male consumption (which I experience in the form of catcalls, harassment, and the like), but for myself and for those I love.

Part of me would have to say I actually enjoy this Otherization – I’m not saying I relish the stares and the derisive comments. Rather, they are a reminder that I have access to something special that my harassers will never understand. These stares and rude comments have made me stronger, fiercer. But they have also made me more empathetic towards others who are different. In short, they have made me a better person.

So, when I get teased or harassed or even threatened when I am seen with a butch (or any gender nonconforming person, for that matter), part of me is grateful because they have molded me into who I am.

I can’t speak for all femmes, but I have met many who have felt this way.

Anyway, here’s to remaining boldly, unapologetically ourselves.

01-12-2018, 01:25 PM	#71
ardentfemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: ~daydreaming~ Join Date: Dec 2017 Location: West Coast is the Best Coast Posts: 81 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 65 Thanked 304 Times in 74 Posts Rep Power: 6329324	Hope y’all don’t mind my reviving this post and adding my two cents. As a femme, my identity is inherently defined in contrast to butches. I wouldn’t be who I am or love who I love without them. In this sense, I feel completely comfortable stepping out in public with butches because my identity is affirmed in the eyes of passersby and reflected back to me in my butch companion’s smile. Since I am straight-passing, many of today’s hip, anti-butch/femme lesbians don’t accept me because my femininity isn’t considered subversive enough. In a way, being seen with a butch in a public space allows me to feel both empowered by my femininity and subversive of heteropatriarchal values. Moreover, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the sacrifices those who came before us made just so we could step out the door together. Butches and femmes fought both literally and figuratively for this right. When I’m out with a butch, I feel the weight of our shared history resting equally on our shoulders. Furthermore, it’s a source of pride for me to walk down the street on a wonderful butch’s arm. It allows me to feel like my truest, most authentic self. And, as I’ve posted about previously, the way in which I navigate the world via my femininity shifts when I’m with a butch. My presentation exists not for male consumption (which I experience in the form of catcalls, harassment, and the like), but for myself and for those I love. Part of me would have to say I actually enjoy this Otherization – I’m not saying I relish the stares and the derisive comments. Rather, they are a reminder that I have access to something special that my harassers will never understand. These stares and rude comments have made me stronger, fiercer. But they have also made me more empathetic towards others who are different. In short, they have made me a better person. So, when I get teased or harassed or even threatened when I am seen with a butch (or any gender nonconforming person, for that matter), part of me is grateful because they have molded me into who I am. I can’t speak for all femmes, but I have met many who have felt this way. Anyway, here’s to remaining boldly, unapologetically ourselves.