[waxnrope]

Originally Posted by Oneida

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To be fair...and in order to keep clarity from the get-go here...Snow is the one who used/introduced the term "balls' first in her thread. As in, let's take this conversation by the balls or something like that.

The other person came in to the thread, contributed, then agreed with her by using the term again in the same fashion she did. He was then called-out on it (by Snow) and ugliness ensued.
I agree with the synopsis of this interaction.

My inclination at this point is to stick to the fluff threads where I witness more authentic acts of kindness among members. My personal opinion is that the lack of progress or solidarity in some of these other, more controversial threads is not because the issues are too great to solve or achieve consensus on...but that the personalities are getting in the way.
and I witness this as well, these personality, meanness, and other unnecessary ways of being in "community."
Good luck...

Originally Posted by rlin

... this is an attempt by me to find out if i am correct in assuming this falls under the heading that my mamma taught me... to respect women...
and to see if maybe us butch types would stop doing this would we receive a little more respect ourselves...

see your next comment, buddy. in some respects, I agree; in others, it is a two way street, ya know?

Originally Posted by rlin

i didnt remember this... this makes me want to ask about double standards...
even then tho... i think that it is okay for a femme to say these things... i still think that we should refrain when possible... on principle...

the examples given above, by Oneida and yourself indicate a double standard ... however, is it possible that Snowy's comment was a general "balls" and the other comment more directed, and personal? I'm going by memory, so don't jump my balls if this is not so, please. I am really trying to understand and not further discontent, but to foster mutuality and compassion for one another ...

Originally Posted by Oneida

Agreed...from a personal perspective.

Our methods of communication...the words we choose to use...really demonstrate online so much because online, that's all we have to present who we are.

well, that says it all, doesn't it.

I am new to online communities. I find that having butch brothers here is intoxicating ... literally. And, in being one of the guys again (it's been a long time for me ... long story and a topic jumper), I slipped into persona, actually forgetting that I am in "mixed" company. I am a joker, as you know rlin, and like to laugh and have fun ... most people do crack up with my comments in rl ... I said something that I thought was in keeping with the THREAD and believed innocuous shortly after first joining this site .. there was no malfeasance intended. what I learned from the backlash is that if one does not KNOW or have an already established relationship with the poster, one must tread lightly ... I know that this may be a "duh" for some of you, but it was a reflective moment for me. I think offense occurs when there is not "relationship" established, and therefore takes on the cloak of double-standard. Don't know if this makes sense or no...

Related, but off topic: It is also difficult to post when you are deemed new, and therefore an "outsider" who needs to be (slowly) accepted before getting a response to your posting. These are reflective lessons for me ... I appreciate and do not resent them. However, I do have difficulty with some of the clique behavior, and a few of the threads which FEEL as though anyone outside of a specific group who posts there is unwanted. One can go back and read pages and see that the same people are primarily the only people who post. So, there is another process which contributes to the feeling or sense of being an "outsider." Audre Lorde, my sister, what would you say to this? Oh boy! too much java. Sorry to go on!