[CherylNYC]

Congratulations! I agree with everyone who said you should have the kind of party that suits you. Make an event that you would want to attend. If you're still torn, ask yourself why you're doing this thing, anyway. What's the purpose of throwing this party? If it's a joyful celebration of the family you're creating, and you're so happy about that that you can't help but invite all the people who are important to you to witness it, then do whatever you think honors that intention. If you're concerned with presenting a proper image and creating a traditional event that conforms with expectations about what marriage means to your family and community, then pay more attention to all the traditional practices that signal to one and all that you're MARRIED in the way they've come to expect.

Those two things aren't mutually exclusive for most women I know. For them, wearing a traditional white lace dress and throwing the bouquet to their unmarried friends with all their family watching is THE most joyful of all the joyful celebrations on earth. Personally, I'm not particularly interested in those traditions for myself, and it sounds to me like you're not necessarily inclined towards all those traditional wedding rituals, either. That doesn't mean you wouldn't enjoy them and find them incredibly meaningful were you to end up adhering to them, but you don't have to.

Waaay back in the way back machine, my ex and I got handfasted, (Pagan/Wiccan commitment ceremony). A white dress wasn't even on my radar. Besides all the wedding industry hoopla that I wasn't interested in supporting, it's my opinion that red is the right colour for the occasion. It represents lust, vigor, fertility and good health. Green is a great colour, too. It's the colour of growth also of fertility, as well as material wealth. My handfasting dress was red, and I thought it was a perfect choice for the occasion. Other colours have their own associations, and it might help you choose how you decorate yourself and your party space to think about the symbolism they carry.

When I reduce a wedding down to the essentials, I see it as an important life event during which you officially create family, and invite your friends/family to witness and support you in your choice. Whenever you're stuck just keep asking yourself if the thing your second cousin insists you can't do without contributes to, or detracts from, that intention.