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Miss Scarlett · 02-09-2010, 06:00 AM

I lost my Mom 3 years ago next month to pancreatic cancer. She died at home with Dad by her side - I arrived about 10 minutes after she passed.

She'd been sick for almost a year and it took her doctors nearly that long to figure out what exactly was wrong - though they suspected the cancer. Her markers didn't come through until 6 weeks before she died. She did not have any pain. She was completely lucid until about an hour before she died. Even though we knew she was dying, her death was sudden and unexpected. The day she died I spoke to her on the phone that morning but about mid-afternoon (as the doctor explained it to us) the stress on her body from the cancer caused her heart to get all wierd. It started racing and despite the meds the Hospice nurse gave her, it would not slow down and finally just gave out.

I had already been on autopilot - making sure Dad had everything he needed to take care of Mom and making sure Mom had everything she needed. After she died I stayed on autopilot - had a funeral to plan & execute, a father to prop up and a family to hold together.

Time to grieve? You've got to be kidding! My employer at the time was a colleague of Mom's so you'd think she'd be a little flexible and understanding. Yeah, right! The woman called me during the visitation to ask me if I had paid a bill! As if that couldn't wait until I returned to work - or she could have just looked in the checkbook...grrrrr! This is the same employer who complained to me that I called my Mom too many times during the day and she said this to me after she knew Mom was dying.

Apart from my indentured servitude, I also had Pride and the other boards/committees I was serving on. Pride consumed everything to the point Shelia called herself a "Pride Widow."

Last February I resigned from everything except the Gay Men's Chorus Board and at the end of June I changed jobs. Dad remarried in August 2008. I was stunned to see what I had become and how exhausted I was. It took months after changing jobs to start feeling like myself again.

Now that all the things that consumed my life have gone away I am left with time to grieve. It's been coming in drips and drops but as March 12 draws near it gets heavier. I'm at the stage of "this time in 2007 Mom___." It's going to be a difficult month or two but I need to grieve.

02-09-2010, 06:00 AM	#56
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,949 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I lost my Mom 3 years ago next month to pancreatic cancer. She died at home with Dad by her side - I arrived about 10 minutes after she passed. She'd been sick for almost a year and it took her doctors nearly that long to figure out what exactly was wrong - though they suspected the cancer. Her markers didn't come through until 6 weeks before she died. She did not have any pain. She was completely lucid until about an hour before she died. Even though we knew she was dying, her death was sudden and unexpected. The day she died I spoke to her on the phone that morning but about mid-afternoon (as the doctor explained it to us) the stress on her body from the cancer caused her heart to get all wierd. It started racing and despite the meds the Hospice nurse gave her, it would not slow down and finally just gave out. I had already been on autopilot - making sure Dad had everything he needed to take care of Mom and making sure Mom had everything she needed. After she died I stayed on autopilot - had a funeral to plan & execute, a father to prop up and a family to hold together. Time to grieve? You've got to be kidding! My employer at the time was a colleague of Mom's so you'd think she'd be a little flexible and understanding. Yeah, right! The woman called me during the visitation to ask me if I had paid a bill! As if that couldn't wait until I returned to work - or she could have just looked in the checkbook...grrrrr! This is the same employer who complained to me that I called my Mom too many times during the day and she said this to me after she knew Mom was dying. Apart from my indentured servitude, I also had Pride and the other boards/committees I was serving on. Pride consumed everything to the point Shelia called herself a "Pride Widow." Last February I resigned from everything except the Gay Men's Chorus Board and at the end of June I changed jobs. Dad remarried in August 2008. I was stunned to see what I had become and how exhausted I was. It took months after changing jobs to start feeling like myself again. Now that all the things that consumed my life have gone away I am left with time to grieve. It's been coming in drips and drops but as March 12 draws near it gets heavier. I'm at the stage of "this time in 2007 Mom___." It's going to be a difficult month or two but I need to grieve.