[deedarino]

I keep coming back to this thread and it keeps breaking my heart. This is a reminder of how dark and mean people can be.

As a gay person, and femme, most of my experience with gay harrassment has been when I was with someone; glares, whispers, a few words here and there, once a man followed us pounding one hand into the other...this was the only time I was scared. Overall, my life as a woman prepared me for this kind of thing and by now, I am pretty tough.

As a woman though, I have been a sex object since I can remember...this became especially apparent when I "blossomed" around the age of 10. From then on, I could never escape the looks, stares, comments, brushes, innuendos, and intrusions into my space. I was never comfortable with my sexuality and did many things to hide from this "power" I didn't want or know how to deal with. I tried to hide with clothes and when that didn't work, I tried to hide with other things. Some didn't work, only made things worse, some did work, too well.

Once I was standing outside a bar, waiting for my ride who had just went around the corner to get the car. A man came up to me to ask for directions, I tried to give him what he wanted. Actually that wasn't what he wanted at all as it turns out. I always thought I was so strong but this night I realized how vulnerable I was. The man dragged me toward the alley, I am pretty sure that my screaming and kicking should have been enough to let him know I wasn't interested but he insisted. It's amazing how you can disconnect in times like these when you know it is done, there is nothing you can do.

In that instant, my friend finally pulled up in the car and saw me...if he would have been even one minute later.

I have become strong enough to know it is ok to tell someone to fuck off...there was a time though, when good girls don't do things like that...I'm not a good girl anymore.