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Old 01-03-2021, 03:34 PM   #1

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Default High Functioning Autisim/asbergers

I have just had a recent diagnosis of high fuctioning autisim,it was called asbergers.

My parents took me to a psychatrist at 2,my mother told my father I think something is wrong with this one,the shrink just said I had above average IQ
this was in 1962,we had no universal health care in Aust,and people were not taking their kids to shrinks,specialy poor working class families.
My mother told me at 2 I could sing every song on the radio and would drag the chair over to where the radio was and climb up on the bench,she said I would sit their for hours,I also constantly asked questions,then was refutting their response with but why?

I also used to write all the lyrics to all my fav songs in a book and yet had no interest at school,and barely entered a word in school books.

I won every singing comp,but got kicked out of the choir,I could not cope standing next to people.

I have found that things that keep me calm line up with that
I love doing the same thing everyday,down to eating the same food at exactly the same time,if it is interupted It throws me out for days and I feel out of control,until my routine resumes

I hate living with people,I love living alone and am happy to go for weeks without human contact,though I do crave it,then recoil from it.
I don't like being in relationships,I can only do them,if the person lives interstate or another country
But actually I like annonymous sex,although these days I am totally disinterested in any romantic involvement
I have ended every single romantic r'ship ive been in,I just can't cope.

I cannot do chit chat,I lose interest and just turn off-it often comes across as being intolerant or arrogant,but I just cannot relate and don't know how to fake response.

I have over my life been extremly blunt and have actually been punched out for it.
I hate saying hello,and it is worse saying goodbye,i used to always disappear at parties.

I only feel safe with certain ppl,funnily most my closest friends have Autisim/asbergers
I ussually have an exit strategy no matter where I am in social situations and will bail ASAP
I never go on cruises or boats,I an't get off or leave

Some of these behavours I have learnt to mimic the right response,and compared to some of my friends I seem to be on a lower scale as in as Ive gotten older I have gotten better with certain norms.

I have 2 passions politics and music
I did a welfare course in 1991 and got a high distingction in politics,but did not read one book,the teacher said he gave me that,coz I did answer all the criteria fir the assignment,but next time I have to read and state ref,not pull everything out of my head.
I didn't finish the course.
with music,I have played in bands,since I was 19,but have always argued I don't want to do the fronman thing,I just want to sing and be a member,my first live performance I hid behind the speaker stacks,only using alcohol i became more I guess normal,but outof control.
I also can over talk and change topics really quickly as my head is moving so fast,in social gatherings I can over compansate but then am exhausted for weeks.

I found my preffered drug was heroine,it made me feel less anxious

this is a lotof information,I had thought this stuff maybe being trans,but does not seem to be the case.

the worst thing is I am terrible at lieing,and being trans playing music I have no history,so I find I am isolating even more.

I have always had a dog,and I wonder is it genetic,as my brother and father were similar

I hope anyone else in the community that relates, can maybe realise,that so much is coming out these days, that just was not available in the 60's,and the feeling of no you are def not alone.

if you read this
thanks for your time
I do use this site as a off load,mainly coz I know no one will see it,that I actually know IRL.
If Not Me-Who
If Not Now-When
If Not Here-Where
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