Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_On_Fire
I got this thread topic idea from another thread I'm participating in.
You often hear, "Honesty is the best policy" but is it really? Is there a such thing as too much honesty in a relationship?
Here's where I'm coming from:
I'm a person with Asperger's syndrome. Since childhood, I've always been incredibly blunt and I never quite understood the concept of "time and place". If something is wrong, I point it out and try to "fix" it right away before it festers like an open sore. That's the core of who I am. Now, having said that, I've learned recently about this thing called "gesturing". That, in order to be in a successful relationship there has to be a lot of what I consider a "special type of lying" in order to maintain that relationship.
For example:
- Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
- Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
- Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?
- Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
- Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?
These are sensitive topics for people in committed relationships and I've only found, through trial and error, that sometimes it is considered "best" to tell white lies about these things and avoid honesty to keep the relationship in smooth-sailing waters.
Since I know most people who will respond to this thread have neurotypically-wired brains, I don't expect that posters will see things the way I see them (black and white) but I'm very curious about the overall idea of gesturing and how it is used (or if it is used) in your relationship.
Are you completely blunt and honest with each other all of the time? Is there a time when being too honest might seriously damage the relationship? Or do you think letting too many things "go" in a relationship will end up in a serious blow-up or break-up?
Where do you, personally, draw the line? |
Well, I'm usually considered "too honest" and I often seem to get into trouble for that... In the end, I start keeping too much to myself and that seems to be disliked too...
I'm having a very hard time with what ppl call "white lies", to me I don't see any reason why someone would lie about small things like someones hair-cut for example. If I look bad, I would like to know!
Of course, one doesn't have to be rude either and also just because sth is true doesn't mean you must say it out loud...
Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong?
Sometimes I might, since being right or wrong depends on one's point of view...
Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked?
I normally don't deny it, but it depends on the situation...
Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest?
I'm always honest about that.
Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it?
Since I have a very strong sense of smell I feel I would have to tell someone very close to me or else I couldn't live with the person... In other cases I try to endure until I can get away...
Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it?
I'm pretty sure I would, if I was expected to spend a lot of time with the friend. I can't see why that would be rude in any way. To me, it's like stating that I don't like my partners favorite ice cream, would that be rude? Even when together, we are two different persons and can't always like the same things, food or ppl...
BUT I have no problem to lie to protect myself and the ones I love. That's where my limit goes...