[imperfect_cupcake]

I thnk that's an interesting point though Violette. I don't really want to spend time around people who aren't there. I have better things to do and it's better company on my own. I think people who like to live with others find ways of distancing themselves while sharing the same space. Well, you'd have to or it would drive you mad. I can't do that. It's just not within my skill set. I can do that with roommates, but not romantic partners. If I can disconnect from you in the same house, I don't have feelings for you.
Other people don't really work that way. They can emotionally turn off and on in that sense and I can't. I *need* physical space in order to live and breathe.
I've had a partner that was emotionally quite distant for quite a while and frankly I needed physical space from being around someone who was so emotionally distant. And some time to myself. I was killing myself doing all the house work, all the errands, cooking etc and I needed *space* (me time, separately, in another room, with door closed, no interruptions) when I came in the front door to decompress from fighting with the world before taking on the tasks of the house. So I said I wanted to have my room be the spare room, move my stuff in there but still sleep together in the master bedroom.
Nope. She w I'll take the spare room, then she w under come and sleep in the masterbedroom. Which annoyed me slightly. I wanted the absolute me space but I agreed. She then got quite upset a few weeks later about the physical space, but the emotional distance space is was drove me batty. She was also a very intense person.

I'm an extrovert. I tend to partner with very hermit like and thus very intense introverts who kinda of use me for 30% or more of their emotional needs because they don't like people in general. I can't really take that kind of intensity and yet emotional distance at the same time anymore in terms of living space.

I need my physical territory. I think most people know how to disengage in a way I don't know how. And frankly isn't in me. Although lots of people say they are open to anything in that "rethinking" thread, it's been my expereince that not living together isn't one of those things they will be open about, and it will fall to me to come up with a compramise on my needs... Again.