[GeorgiaMa'am]

So, my sister did not wait even one day to go see our mom again. Right after she finished updating me, she went right back to take our mom some odds and ends she had forgotten to pack. Then today my sister went to visit Mom again. The staff reported that she had slept well. I was glad to hear this; it was one of the things I worried about last night at 4 am when I was awake thinking about her.

My sister said Mom seemed more settled today. This is surprising to me; our entire lives, my sister and I were made to promise to our Mom and our Dad that we would never put Mom in "one of those places". Our grandmother lived with us for awhile when she had Alzheimer's, and she eventually became violent. Because of the violence, the only place that would take her was the state mental hospital. My mother was terrified of ending up there one day herself.

This nursing home is much nicer than the mental hospital where my grandmother lived for 10+/- years. Still, Mom was always adamantly against living anywhere except her own home. It was a battle to get her to live with my sister for two years. On the one hand, I feel guilty for not finding some way to help my sister keep our mom in her own home, or at least at my sister's home. On the other hand, I feel angry at our parents for ever making us promise such a thing. After all, they had tried to keep our grandmother in our home and couldn't. But our mom was terrified, and our dad loved Mom so much that he would have promised anything she wanted.

I may be going straight to Hell.

(Luckily, I don't believe in Hell. But if there's a place for ungrateful, bad children, I may end up there.)