Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

JustLovelyJenn · 09-04-2015, 02:15 PM

I think I found my tipping point today. My son is on new medication, that isn't really working at all. The whole summer has been a marathon of yelling, arguments, refusals, and meltdowns. I did my best to remove my daughter from it by sending her to camp, her grandmothers, her friends... as often as possible. That left me and my 11 year old son with autism to try and stumble through the summer. I still had things to do, obligations to fulfill, even though I wasn't at work. I walked out of stores when he wouldn't stop arguing, watched him closely to catch when he was trying to shoplift, and tried to juggle him in one hand and the rest of the world in the other.

He's decided he hates me when he's mad. He tried to run away this summer. He slams his head against the floor, or a wall, or a book and tells me he hopes it makes him go away. I tell him I love him, but his behaviors worry me. I hug him and cuddle him whenever I can, but still try to be strict about the rules.

I just lost it today. Today the curtain rod was torn off the wall. Just one more in the list. It was added to holes in the ceiling, broken door frames, damaged vacuums, stained couches and carpets... and I lost it. I called his father for support, suggestions, anything... and the response was... "well watch them closer, just take things away, I don't know what to tell you, I don't let them do that to my house."

I curled up and cried so hard for almost an hour on my bed. The boy was in the bathtub... and my daughter was trying to finish the chores I had been asking them to do all day on her own... finally. And I cried, and I'm still crying. I just can't do it all on my own. I'm tired of the people who are supposed to be my support telling me how I must be doing it wrong. I'm tired of not being given time for my own emotions, my own needs, my own anything.

I'm trying to do this on my own, I'm working full time, I'm going back to school to increase my earning potential... and my grandmother just died... I'm sorry I stayed in bed till 8 am... and the kids can't monitor themselves that long... but something has to give... I just don't know what to do anymore.

09-04-2015, 02:15 PM	#15
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,995 Times in 3,685 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I think I found my tipping point today. My son is on new medication, that isn't really working at all. The whole summer has been a marathon of yelling, arguments, refusals, and meltdowns. I did my best to remove my daughter from it by sending her to camp, her grandmothers, her friends... as often as possible. That left me and my 11 year old son with autism to try and stumble through the summer. I still had things to do, obligations to fulfill, even though I wasn't at work. I walked out of stores when he wouldn't stop arguing, watched him closely to catch when he was trying to shoplift, and tried to juggle him in one hand and the rest of the world in the other. He's decided he hates me when he's mad. He tried to run away this summer. He slams his head against the floor, or a wall, or a book and tells me he hopes it makes him go away. I tell him I love him, but his behaviors worry me. I hug him and cuddle him whenever I can, but still try to be strict about the rules. I just lost it today. Today the curtain rod was torn off the wall. Just one more in the list. It was added to holes in the ceiling, broken door frames, damaged vacuums, stained couches and carpets... and I lost it. I called his father for support, suggestions, anything... and the response was... "well watch them closer, just take things away, I don't know what to tell you, I don't let them do that to my house." I curled up and cried so hard for almost an hour on my bed. The boy was in the bathtub... and my daughter was trying to finish the chores I had been asking them to do all day on her own... finally. And I cried, and I'm still crying. I just can't do it all on my own. I'm tired of the people who are supposed to be my support telling me how I must be doing it wrong. I'm tired of not being given time for my own emotions, my own needs, my own anything. I'm trying to do this on my own, I'm working full time, I'm going back to school to increase my earning potential... and my grandmother just died... I'm sorry I stayed in bed till 8 am... and the kids can't monitor themselves that long... but something has to give... I just don't know what to do anymore. __________________ --Jenn