Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Anise
Before I came out “officially” I confess that I had this strange notion that to be a lesbian, I would have to be more butch, and I did experiment with becoming more masculine in both mannerism and clothing style. However it didn’t take me too long to realise that this simply wasn’t who I am, it was an ill fitting costume.
And lately (I am not sure whether it is happening more, whether I am noticing it more, or whether I am just being more sensitive to it) but I feel like butch women don’t take me seriously, and treat me like an idiot, or dismiss me as being shallow simply for the fact that I am wearing cosmetics, and feminine clothes and (most importantly for me) having fun with my clothes!
 |
I can definitely relate to this. When I first came out, I tried going soft butch too and I really thought that this was what was expected of me but it felt very strange. It wasn't me at all.
Yes, on the rare occasions I do go out to clubs, I don't feel I'm taken seriously by anybody. I've even been accused of being straight and looking for a one-night hook-up with a woman. That was horrible. No, few lesbians take me seriously, even if, from their appearance, they seem to be on the more butch end of the spectrum. I almost feel like I'll have to start dressing down in order to pick someone up. Luckily, I don't much care about that right now and am not looking for a relationship anytime soon.
Some can't understand why so many members of the butch-femme community find community online instead of "out there" because we clearly recognize each other here but it can be much more difficult in the "real" world. My father told me to "stop meeting people online". He said you can meet people in a grocery store. No Dad, YOU can meet someone in a grocery store. I go out and men hit on me or look at me (and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable because I don't know how to respond to it other than walk away). Women very rarely do. This is the femme conundrum.