[Gemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Hi ladies,

I need some advice. I hope this is ok to ask.

I have recently been contemplating dating again. My therapist and some friends and family have all encouraged me to do so. For a long while I was unwilling to even think about it because I have a panic disorder and PTSD for which I am on disability and frankly what I get from my SSI checks every month is paltry. I haven't felt that I am emotionally stable enough to date because of my panic attacks, and not good date/relationship material because I can't work and am basically poor.

That said, I do have a lot going for me in other ways. I am a very kind, compassionate guy. I am have a big heart. I am well mannered, charming, sweet, and I love to goof around. I love to read and learn new things every day. I work on my issues and deal with them honestly. Even though I don't have a lot of money for expensive dates, I do lavish my dates with attention and care. Many people in my life tell me to go out and date again.

That all being said, I recently took a big risk and asked a Femme friend of mine for a date. She rejected me, and the reasons basically have to do with my lack of emotional stability and the fact that I am not financially secure and stable. Man, does that take the wind out of my sails!

So my question is this: Should I even try? Is my PTSD and panic disorder, and my being on disability something that makes me a potentially bad date/partner? Some help and advice would be nice before I decide to really put myself out there again.


Thanks ladies!


Drew

Congratulations on taking that first step, Drew!

I have to concur with those who suggest making sure that YOU are ready to move back into the world of dating. It's a crazy world and one that seems to be like a game of double dutch, that seems to fly by and where you have to try to find the perfect moment to slip in.

I also have to piggyback onto what Scoobs said that her 'no' had absolutely nothing to do with you. For whatever reason, whether it's what she told you or not, she didn't feel fully comfortable but that's a reflection of her and not you.

No biggie.

As many have said, we all have our issues. The thing we need to concentrate on is not how others are managing their issues, but how we manage our own.

Personally, I'd be open to meeting a partner that had bushfuls of money. Why? Because I like it and because money does equal security for me, but that goes back to my childhood and being hungry and homeless with my mom. Again, MY stuff. Not yours or anyone else's. Does that mean that I only look for the thickness of a guy's wallet? No. Because a guy who makes a million a year can live beyond his means just like a guy making minimum wage. It's how you manage it that counts.

My mom was paranoid schizophrenic and a former partner of mine had a variety of mental conditions, including PTSD. More than once, I awoke to her choking me, thinking I was an enemy. Again, MY stuff. Does that mean that I would never date anyone with an acknowledged condition? Nope. Now, if I recognized behaviors and symptoms in someone and they denied it or refused to accept it or to receive medical confirmation, that would wave a whole parade of red flags for me and make the answer a very easy 'thank you but no thank you'. Does it mean that I might give it a good, long thought if I went on a couple of dates with someone and I really started to like them (back to the acknowledged conditions)? Yes. I would have to measure that 'like' that I felt against my past experiences and my own personal fears. If that case came about, I have no idea what I would do. It's one of those 'have to be there' kind of things, I think.

We all have our stuff and our fears and that is what will keep others from proceeding with you. Their fears. Fear tends to keep us safe but it can make you miss out on a lot of awesome experiences and wonderful people too.

If you are up for it, I say keep sticking your toe in the water. You're a great guy! Eventually, I think you'll get a nibble.