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Old 09-23-2010, 12:46 AM   #21
Kobi
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Biological female. Lesbian.
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Originally Posted by AtLastHome View Post
I would like to know from other butches, how you view the B-F dynamic in terms of how and why you were initially drawn to it. Is it mostly about attraction to femmes for you- or does it run deeper in terms of your butch identity? Maybe you have an attachment to butch historically (going back to what defined butch years ago), within a class, ethnic or racial perspective... or not?
Interesting thread.

Like others have said, identity is an individual thing. I would add to it...shaped by the times in which you lived and the experiences you incurred along the way.

I was raised the only daughter in a very patriarchal Italian family. I always envied the preferences and privileges given to males. I also was a tomboy who preferred sports and tree climbing to playing with dolls and makeup. I had a hard time understanding why there were differences based on sex organs and never felt like I fit in either mode. (these were the days when the newspaper ads had separate help wanted sections for men and women.)

And I loved women, particularly older women. I loved the energy of being around them. And I was always aware of how that changed when males entered the picture. Funny the things you see as a child. And, the attempts to turn me into the prevailing concept of a "lady" were daunting. My mother still doesnt appreciate the irony of insisting I go to an all female school so I could learn to be a lady (or a lesbian). Sometimes you give a little to get something in return

The womens movement and gay rights movement both influenced my identity. I was always happy to be a female. My idea of a female and what a female could achieve and do in the world was different, but I never questioned my gender. I was more comfortable in pants and oxfords which were more conducive to my tomboy pursuits than girlie clothing would be. The womens movement just accentuated how I always felt as a woman i.e. capable, achievement oriented ( I insisted I would be the first woman to attend Providence College. Didnt happen but it was a dream of mine), physically active, just living, being all that I thought I could be without my gender limiting me.

The gay rights movement influenced me as well. I was not very keen on the traditional b-f thing back then because it seemed very focused on traditional male/female roles, perceptions, and relationships - the very thing I was trying not to be. I always felt women could do better than that and spent a lot of time exploring the various options that were developing.

I came back to the b-f mold when it seemed to shed its hetero influences and incorporate more woman defined/oriented aspects. That felt more like the person I was/am. I may be more attuned to my masculine side but not at the expense of my feminine side - there can be a lopsided balance

I still wear comfortable clothing but would never think of buying mens clothes except for their sneakers which are made better. I am the least handyish butch you will ever meet but I am a great go-fer and direction reader. But, I do know how to treat a lady like the lady she is

The b-f community today, to me, is different again with a more visible trans influence. I respect the journeys of our brothers but as a lesbian and a feminist I find this confusing. Sometimes I feel like Rip Van Winkle, awakening to a new reality, I still havent quite grasped yet.

And age does play a huge role here as others have indicated. As I get older and more settled, I focus my energies closer to home.

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