[Gemme]

Originally Posted by sylvie

Ahh Gemme, the more i read this post the more i was nodding and soo knowing what you meant.. Especially with work, my work hours are a bit all over the place and when i work split shifts and 12 hour shifts, the last thing i feel like doing is taking the time to prepare something healthy AND working out.. especially after being on my feet all day - i still struggle with that today.. i do walk to and from work, which is only about a 10-15 min walk each way, but i think my body is adjusted to that now because i always walk to work.. So it's frustrating, VERY frustrating...

Yes, i did say that i would binge as much as my body would hold.. When i said that, i meant exactly what you meant cept it wasn't explaining it right, my body can hold much more than my appetite allows me, so my overeating is stuffing things inside me regardless of how full and digusting i feel, it 'is' a horrible feeling, especially when i finally shake myself out of my food coma and feel the effects of abusing my body the way i had..

My emotions of course take over, and i am SO hard on myself, and i get the negative thinking within, that im worthless and deserve to gain that weight back and it just shakes my confidence altogether that i've spent so long building up to keep myself motivated.. Then it becomes a vicious circle if i dont stop myself, now that i've binged and probably gained weight, i may as well eat that dang cookie, cuz its not going to matter.. Oh and well may as well eat junkfood for the rest of the day now and start new tomorrow.. my tomorrow really never comes, when i get in that frame of mind..

i know the bloating and feeling like a pregnant woman - i deal with that often too and it's strange when i stay on track, i notice mostly in my stomache that i lose first, so just goes to show what doing this to myself really does..

i'm so sorry about gaining your weight back Gemme, i didn't realize but you CAN do it, even when working.. We should work together and find ways to eat healthier and a workout routine around our work hours, i could really benefit from a healthier plan while working.. i do well on my days off or my short workdays, but i get myself in a real pickle when i'm working...

i also deal with emotional overeating, thats one huge stressor on my binging right there.. Monday, i got upset over the fact i had to delay the trip by two weeks to go see Mtn, i was to leave Sept 14 and now had to move it to Oct 3 due to passports - my heart was SOOO set on Sept 14.. What did i do? i lost control and overate , my portions were ridiculous and i felt SO awful for what i did, that i started again being hard on myself and again just not paying attention to what i was eating again and i really had to get myself back on track..

my weigh in today showed a 4 lb gain.. :: sad sigh ::
it's going to be a rough day, i can feel it.. i'm trying so hard not to be hard on myself, but 4 lbs in one week? takes me a friggin' week to lose 2 lbs!

thank you for sharing with me Gemme, and thank you for being happy for this thread, if any of you can use it or find benefit of having this thread here too, then that makes me happy.. i was scared to post it because a/i have a hard, hard time sharing this part of me, and b/i was scared no one else would understand or want to post in here..

i know it takes a great deal of courage to admit these things, and thought at least if i put it out there, even if people didn't post, someone might be reading and benefit from my struggle in some way to help themselves.. So, the same for any of you who post too, i really, truly thank you! Not only helps others, but me as well! ((((((((Gemme)))))))))

Thank you for your support, Sylvie.

For me, I find that working helps me to keep on track. Well, at least for the first part of the day. I have my fairly healthy breakfast of oatmeal, raisins, walnuts and skim milk and then I pack my lunch, which is usually a sandwich and some fruit. I tend to bring an extra banana in case I get hungry before my lunch. But then again, my lunch hour is set and my schedule is much more streamlined and routine than yours.

My trouble comes at night. I sit in front of the telly and zone out or play online and nibble at this and that. My switch that says "I'm full" doesn't work at night. I can, and have, put away more food in that one hour than I have all day.

I know it's largely a case of mindful eating. But that takes time. When I'm home, I multi-task. Even now, I'm here but I'm doing laundry and eating breakfast. Simply Orange juice and turkey sausage, which isn't horrible, but I'll probably add on something really bad like ice cream.

The structure of my work days help me and my days off are harder for me to control. I get that 'it's my day off and I don't want to do anything' feeling which leads to more laziness and general overeating.

I have developed a bit of a Coke problem lately too. Ebon and I have joked about it, but it's true. I used to drink soda once in a while and I'm now downing several a day. I'm drinking my calories, basically, because it fills me up and then I'm not hungry when I should be and so I wind up eating later....

Eh, I know I will work it out. It's just this time in between, when I'm realizing where I was and how far I've let myself slide, that's really difficult to deal with.

As for your weigh in, I have found that the most honest way to weigh in is right after I get up and go to the restroom, but before breakfast and coffee, etc. As you go about your day, you add food and drink that has sodium (water retention and bloating) and sugar and just weight in general. That's one thing that I learned a while ago and, when I do weigh myself, I try to follow those parameters for as honest a number as possible.

TD, I didn't know about the other ways to purge. The image of the "typical" person with a binging/purging eating disorder is pretty much burned in my brain from all those after school specials and news reports. Female, teens to early 20s, etc. even though I do know that males also battle eating disorders too and that it's not about the person's shape (big, little, medium...can all have one), so thanks for adding some clarification.