[Wolfsong]

Originally Posted by stonewalldog

... But I have taken this very personally. I have gone from talking to her everyday since my father's illness and subsequent death to calling maybe once a week.

Am I wrong to still be pissed? Am I wrong to think that she doesn't see Me? I am not the kind of person who holds a grudge but I am having a hard time forgiving my mom over this.

SWD -

I don't know your mom or the intricacies of your relationships over the years so I can't say for certain. What I can tell you is that my mom is somewhat the same here in action. I found out in the last month that most of my family knows that I am gay. This is a very freeing revelation for me.

It was always kind of the thing that everyone knew but nobody talked about because I never talked about it. I never talked about it because once a long time ago, my dad and I were talking in private and he said, "I've come to some understandings and acceptance of certain things in life and I don't need to talk about them." I've just kind of always known that was him telling me he knew and didn't want to talk about it.

Mom is completely different. Just when I think she's ok with things she says something that comes rolling in like a rouge wave crashing over the deck and I'm like "WTF just happened?" Most recently she pissed me off, over all things, Glee. Mom likes musicals so I thought this would be a cool show for her to catch. (It never occured to me that it might be "too gay" for her.) When I suggested she watch it she said, "I don't like that show." I was surprised at her adamance, particularly towards a show she had never seen before. I asked her why. She said, "That gay lady is on there." (meaning Jane Lynch) Surprised again, I said, "So? How do you know she's gay anyway?" (playing dumb) Mom replied; "She said so. I don't want to watch it, I don't like gay people."

It was like a knife through my heart for a second....one step forward and three back.....but I didn't say anything to her. I sort of had the feeling that she didn't mean me or even Andi. She meant that she didn't like other gay people. Somehow she has managed to cope with me by separating me from others. Listen, if we were younger and mom wasn't sick I'd probably have made something of it......but I know that time is not on our side. I can't let myself waste a single moment with her because she does not see things in the same way that I do. What is important right now is my relationship with her. I do understand her. It isn't enough for us for her to be the only one doing the accepting.....some of that needs to be on my part too.

Your mom sees you. I'm pretty sure of that.