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Old 07-09-2015, 11:29 AM   #62
*Anya*
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Lesbian non-stone femme
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She, her
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Committed to being good to myself
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterfulButch View Post
Thanks for the input.

My femme’s pretty savvy and certainly more street-smart than I am so it’s not her ability to deal with such situations that troubles me. I’m just bothered that she’d find herself in that position in the first place. It feels like I’m inadvertently taking away her choice as to outing herself and for situations like this where it has negative ramifications, that’s something I’m struggling to reconcile.

You make an interesting point about cat calls though. I tend not to think about them because they are outside my experience but perhaps this is not as wholly alien to her as I think (and should be to everyone).
I have two observations.

The first is that I have always loved being with my Butch lesbian partners because it is the only time that I am recognized for who and what I am: a lesbian.

As a femme, I have always been mistaken for straight and it has always gotten really old to have that assumption made about me.

My second observation is one that may sound strange. Perhaps it was borne of always feeling that I was not pretty or sexy enough as a woman, starting as a teenager but I secretly liked the subtle (not overt) looks or attention I always got from men. That is hard to admit here but it is true. I always ignored them but on the inside, it felt validating, in some way. Socialized to feel that way, I guess.

I never got that attention from lesbians when I was by myself, because they dismissed me without a thought, as a straight woman.

I felt a real pang inside myself as I began to get older and became one of the invisible older women. On one hand, it was a relief to no longer deal with attention that truly was not wanted but on the other; it was a formal declaration of my own aging process.

Now that I have accepted my older woman status, I notice that my (older) Butch and I get barely a glance out in public.

I don't worry about a potential problem in the same way I did when I was young and with young butches.
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~Anya~




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