[Femmewench]

I'm not sure how I wasn't aware of this before today. I'm adopted; mine occurred in 1959 so it's very different than it might be today. My birth mother never saw me, my adoption records are sealed, and the only thing I knew about my birth parents was the demographic information the adoption agency was willing to provide. (As an aside, I was adopted through The Cradle, which still operates in Evanston, Illinois.) My brother was also adopted through this agency three years later.

There seems to be two kind of adopted kids. Those who have to know about their birth parents and those who have no curiosity whatsoever. I was the first type and my brother was the second. I have cousins who are adopted and he was the first type and she was the second.

When my birth mother and I finally connected, the only thing I needed from her was to hear her actually say she never wanted to give me up. I didn't need to be a part of her life. I didn't need to meet my two half sisters or my half brother. I didn't want another mother; my mother was more than enough for me. My mother, who had always been supportive of my wanting to get in contact with my birth mother, did a 180 when it became reality. My mother was so threatened by the idea of me having the ability to replace her, she became irrational about something she had previously supported. I guess we all have our innermost fears which may not be exposed unless they become reality.

And for those of you who know adoptees, our mom is the one who took us home. Our birth mom or biological mom is the one who gave us to our mom. I don't feel a need to identify my mom as the woman who raised me; when I say mom that's who I'm talking about. I would venture to say that that is true for 100% of adoptees.

And for those who believe the platitude "your parents chose you," the truthfulness of that is dependent on the time of the adoption. My parents didn't choose me; the adoption agency chose me for them. Somehow people think that "your parents chose you" makes you more special than those kids who joined a family via biological means. There isn't a competition between the two.

I hold women who are able to recognize that they cannot provide what they want their child to have and who are able to give their child to another person/couple to raise in the highest esteem. I cannot imagine doing that. My birth mother's solution to having given away her child was to believe I was a still birth. She thought the adoption agency went through with having her sign the paperwork so she wouldn't have to know her baby was dead. The social worker at The Cradle said this is actually not unusual. It doesn't stop the birth mother from thinking about you on your birth date, but it does prevent constant wonderings about how you are and what you're doing.

Lastly, I could never understand why people thought my mom and I looked alike. She was a brunette with hazel eyes and a tanned complexion. I'm blond with blue eyes and a fair complexion. We did look alike - our facial expressions were identical. I learned to roll my eyes from her. We looked alike and nothing alike. Proof positive people see past the obvious differences to find the similarities.