[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Medusa

There was some discussion going on over in another thread about Female masculinity and how there is a certain "celebration" around a Butch person moving toward a "more masculine" way of being with adopting male pronouns, transitioning, etc.

That discussion sparked me to start thinking a little more critically about how the Femme community impacts and is impacted by this same continuum of "being more homogenous/acceptable/feminine (and insert any number of things that mean "more than what you already are")".
How do we as Femmes impact the visibility of Female Butches?

I wonder WHY it is that some Femmes default to He/Hy? In doing so we absolutely impact the visibility of Female Id'd Butches because we are putting the entire community into that heteronormative continuum.

Do we, as Femmes, have a continuum in our own community where the hyper-feminine is more valid/valued? What does that look like to you when it's in action?

It looks to ME like *good girls* are the preference, and outspoken, opinionated Femme's with a swagger are immediately suspect. After all, isn't swagger the property of Butches? When I see it in action to me it looks like the othering (in a negative light) of Femme's who are not traditionally feminine.

How does this continuum affect our visibility or does it?

Being named a slut, scary, loud, and even being named *butch* affects visibility on a very personal level. On a community level is keeps us subscribed to very binary standards.

There was also some discussion around pronoun usage and several folks brought up what it might look/feel like to a Femme if she were "he'd" on a regular basis out in the world but also (and especially) in this community.
Thoughts on this?

*I* would be at most confused if somebody "he'd" me. That comes with the caveat that I've never been read as having masculine traits, affect, or what have you. It's not a struggle I've had, and probably never will.

I'm having some thoughts on visibility and the celebration of movement toward each end of the spectrum for both Femmes and Butches. Particularly Im thinking about how there is something going on with Butches being celebrated as they move toward a more masculine presence and Femmes being celebrated if they maintain a more "hyper" Femme way of being. (Although I will say that I personally don't feel a huge push in our community to be more "valid" as Femmes by being "more" Femme)

Im thinking about how all of these things might affect our visibility as Femmes and how much we do/should care if we are invisible to the outside world. Do you think it is important for people to see you as Femme? In the world at large, I'd love it and for political reasons I try to make myself visible. There are a lot of people that will not go further than "Lesbian", which I do use. Do you feel seen as a Femme in this community? Yes. How do you think your experience as a Femme with invisibility is affected by the marginalization of Female Butches? The marginalization of any faction of our community affects us all. My specific experience as a Femme who has struggled with invisibility in relation to a Female Id'd Butch having their femaleness erased is not that different at the end of the day, is it?

I realize this is kinda random but I wanted to at least start the discussion and throw some questions out there to get us rolling. I havent had coffee this morning so I apologize if this is jumbled.

I wonder if there is some kind of internal homophobia in play around specifically Femme's defaulting to He/Hy. Before I get jumped on I want to say that I am married to a Transperson. Falling in love with and staying with hym took a LOT of self examination on my part. The only way it works for "us" is that we remain Queer, that neither of us change identities for the other and that we communicate. A lot. For instance: I don't feel comfortable calling my Beloved my Husband. I've tried it on a few times and it doesn't feel right. Sometimes I say things like "I'll talk to my wife about it and see what hy says.." but for the most part I am stuck with partner. Because we are in a Queer marriage. I WISH there were words to encompass the many gender id's, but since there isn't I am willing to do the work and ask. I think I am getting off point here and not communicating what I wanted to, so I'll break now.