i'm not sure when exactly i started identifying as femme. as long as i can remember, i've always been very femme and queer, and i came out when i was really young, but i didn't have a strong queer community around me. i didn't really know a lot about butch/femme culture or about femme identity until i found my queer disabled poc community/virtual home, a lot of whom are femmes. i've often felt excluded from queer community and disconnected from butch/femme because i have been read as straight for so long (i also used to cover my hair - i'm muslim - and that is a pretty big barrier to being seen as queer unless i'm around other queer muslims). being disabled and dressing differently because of that (no spike heels
) and my faith also left me with the feeling of not being 'femme enough.' anyway, once i found queer disabled poc community who i felt 'saw' me, i knew i was a femme and i started id'ing as femme.
i've always been attracted to butches but i am usually read as straight by them so i've never really been around butches a lot in a flirty/romantic sense, more in an acquaintance/friendship sense...getting to know my partner (we were acquaintances in the queer community/local activism stuff where we lived, and i was usually treated as an ally/straight person, before we started dating) was the first time i really felt 'seen' by a butch. he was like, "duh, i knew you were queer from a mile away."
