[Girl_On_Fire]

From those who have come forward with their signs, it's like reading my own story. It's very validating for me to know that now, looking back, I'm seeing those signs for what they are and also recognizing them when they come back around. I recently saw these red flags in someone I was casually seeing a few months back and hy lied about trivial things, went from calm to angry instantly, and tried to tell me what I could and couldn't tell my family. This time, I knew enough to walk away and that's a good thing. It's progress.

I think there is something to say for feeling self-worth. I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love and respect myself. I thought I did before I got into that abusive relationship. I actually had everything going for me at the time. I had a great job, a great living situation with my roommate, and I was physically healthier than I'd ever been. I was on top of the world. Then, my ex and I got back in contact and, as crazy as it may sound, it was as though I was under some sort of spell.

Within 3 months, I had moved 800 miles away from everything I had ever known to be with hym. Quit school. Sold my car and everything. I knew it was a mistake the next day. I felt it. Something about the way hy looked at me and talked to me was completely different. Like hys guard dropped because hy didn't have to put up a front anymore. I mean, I say I knew but I think only a small part of me figured it out. The rest stayed in denial. That's the mode of survival. Should I have turned around and moved back? Of course. But that would mean I was thinking rationally at the time, which I certainly wasn't.

Anyway, it doesn't matter that hy and I knew each other off and on for the better part of a decade. You really don't know someone until you live with them. When it's long-distance, it can be much easier to miss the red flags. And, like others have said, if abuse, whether physical or mental was "normal" for you growing up, you really don't see them at all even if they are glaring to others.

I think the true sign of being out of the pattern is feeling sick to your stomach when you think what you put up with for so long. I used to think that disgusted feeling was a bad thing but maybe it's not. Maybe it's a sign of growth.