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So, you may have two same sex people (say, two female ID'd people), whose gender (butch on butch) match. They are homosexed, and also homogendered. But you may also have two differently sexed folks (male/female...again to keep it simple), whose genders are aligned (effeminate male with a non-masculine female). Heterosexed but homogendered. A transman and a female ID'd butch...could be heterosexed, but homogendered also (or heterosexed and heterogendered if the transman were feminine). (again, using gender very loosely as feminine and masculine just to keep things simple).
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Ohhhhhhhhh. yeah yeah, totally get you. Yes that has marched across by brain before in a half-arsed way, getting lost and distracted in any other side thoughts passing along parallel.
totally. I hadn't thought about it in terms of "why people get uncomfortable" just "why I still consider that "het couple" not het at all and actually completely queer. I think the first one a met was my partner's (at the time) ex who was butch lesbian, falling in love with an effeminant bisexual male who wooed her for yonks. it may have been hetero/hetero even in both terms but it was still queer-ass.
that isn't even an example you were using, but it sure as fuck made people VERY uncomfortable, from every single group... Cept the bi friends they had...
But yes I see what you are saying, completely. Also another friend, who transitioned, who used to butch-femme, found he was more attracted to transmen after a few years. we had a good chat. He said that "I dunno, I think my sexuality is just very homo. after transitioning, it just felt too hetero for some reason I can't put my finger on..."
so, maybe for some people the homosex/homosexuality/homogender is all part of it?