Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post

stonewalldog · 06-28-2012, 08:00 PM

I would describe my mom as a land mine. You never know when you stepped wrong and she would go off. But things have been good because I live 1500 miles away. Until recently, I would have said that we had a good relationship.
The key phrase "until recently".

So. I have been out for decades now. My wife and I had a commitment ceremony a long time ago. (I remember the event but not the year!) We got legally married in 2008 during the short window it was legal in California. I don't think about being gay or butch or any of that stuff anymore. Deborah and I hardly have any gay or lesbian friends, male or female, probably because our hobbies aren't that gay conducive. I hunt and fish in California where, in my experience, there is a prevalence of vegen and vegetarian lesbians. Deborah's hobby is competitive Dressage. In our daily lives, lesbian issues don't really come up.

Back to my mother. Deborah is an attorney. She does some legal work for a friend of ours mother who, in lieu of payment, offers us her condo on Catalina Island for a week. We decide to go on the week on my Birthday last February. My mom has been widowed a couple years now so we thought it would be fun for her to come to visit that part of California with us. Deborah has a gay nephew named Ramon in Southern California that we hardly see, so, he and his boyfriend, Shey, were invited as well.

I haven't spent much time with Ramon and Shey. I found them to be delightful, easy going young men. Shey has a big personality. He is very flamboyant and all the flaming queen adjectives. I just adore him.

So, back to my mother. After we leave the island and the first time my mother is alone with me, she starts putting down Shey. Saying that he is "just acting out" and "being a stereo type". She said he made her comfortable. Now, the first time she said these negative things, I just let it go. I probably said something like "if he is happy, who is he harming" so some such thing. Then a couple days later, after we had been back at my home, she brings it up again. This time she says that "if that is what Ramon wants in a partner then he should just get a woman".

I went off. I told her that her attitude is wrong. I don't know but suspect, that Deborah's relatives say the same about me. Why didn't Deborah just get a man! My mom flinched at that or maybe my anger. I don't know which. But I have taken this very personally. I have gone from talking to her everyday since my father's illness and subsequent death to calling maybe once a week.

Am I wrong to still be pissed? Am I wrong to think that she doesn't see Me? I am not the kind of person who holds a grudge but I am having a hard time forgiving my mom over this.

06-28-2012, 08:00 PM	#45
stonewalldog Junior Member How Do You Identify?: All-American Dyke Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: married Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Northern California Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 45 Thanked 106 Times in 36 Posts Rep Power: 1384435	Resurrecting this thread I would describe my mom as a land mine. You never know when you stepped wrong and she would go off. But things have been good because I live 1500 miles away. Until recently, I would have said that we had a good relationship. The key phrase "until recently". So. I have been out for decades now. My wife and I had a commitment ceremony a long time ago. (I remember the event but not the year!) We got legally married in 2008 during the short window it was legal in California. I don't think about being gay or butch or any of that stuff anymore. Deborah and I hardly have any gay or lesbian friends, male or female, probably because our hobbies aren't that gay conducive. I hunt and fish in California where, in my experience, there is a prevalence of vegen and vegetarian lesbians. Deborah's hobby is competitive Dressage. In our daily lives, lesbian issues don't really come up. Back to my mother. Deborah is an attorney. She does some legal work for a friend of ours mother who, in lieu of payment, offers us her condo on Catalina Island for a week. We decide to go on the week on my Birthday last February. My mom has been widowed a couple years now so we thought it would be fun for her to come to visit that part of California with us. Deborah has a gay nephew named Ramon in Southern California that we hardly see, so, he and his boyfriend, Shey, were invited as well. I haven't spent much time with Ramon and Shey. I found them to be delightful, easy going young men. Shey has a big personality. He is very flamboyant and all the flaming queen adjectives. I just adore him. So, back to my mother. After we leave the island and the first time my mother is alone with me, she starts putting down Shey. Saying that he is "just acting out" and "being a stereo type". She said he made her comfortable. Now, the first time she said these negative things, I just let it go. I probably said something like "if he is happy, who is he harming" so some such thing. Then a couple days later, after we had been back at my home, she brings it up again. This time she says that "if that is what Ramon wants in a partner then he should just get a woman". I went off. I told her that her attitude is wrong. I don't know but suspect, that Deborah's relatives say the same about me. Why didn't Deborah just get a man! My mom flinched at that or maybe my anger. I don't know which. But I have taken this very personally. I have gone from talking to her everyday since my father's illness and subsequent death to calling maybe once a week. Am I wrong to still be pissed? Am I wrong to think that she doesn't see Me? I am not the kind of person who holds a grudge but I am having a hard time forgiving my mom over this.