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Kätzchen · 04-30-2017, 04:02 PM

I totally hear both Dee and Anya.

I agree with Dee that it's a cycle.

I agree with Anya's therapists' assessment that her mother couldn't understand because she can't /couldn't.

And, for me, because the two scenarios above which are persistent and present in both Dee and Anya's situational experiences, is exactly the reason why I *had* to break ties with my family, years ago. I went 10 years enforcing a no contact code between myself and my parents and siblings because of the cyclic nature of toxic relational ties between members of my family. I too have spent lots of time in therapy, during my ten year break from my family: Only to discover that for my own sanity, and safety and peace of mind, that the toxic controlling behaviors of my parents and siblings was something I did *not* have to be a participant in.

The behaviors of my parents and siblings are still present in their lives, still to this day. It's why I literally moved myself physically away from where I grew up. I can visit with my mother by phone....but it's not peachy, all the time. When it gets to be too much work for me to navigate between any of us, I distance myself from them. It's about the only "signal" they cognizantly understand (if ever), due to the ten years I enforced a zero contact situation between myself and them.

I'm actually worried that my mother is perilously close to having a massive stroke, which would upend the cozy, unhealthy reliance my siblings enjoy with my mother. Even lately, when I encourage my mother with steps she could take to look out for herself, rather than my remaining siblings, it's like she can't hear me or is so deeply entangled in the vicious cycle that it scares her to take steps to end her role in my family's unhealthy scenarios.

Anyway.... I just wanted to share about my own family dilemmas because it's imperative that I remain vigilant in safe guarding myself when engaging with members of my family.

And too, to express thar my heart goes out to Anya and Dee and anyone else who is dealing with ongoing family issues.

04-30-2017, 04:02 PM	#264
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: He’s my One & Only Join Date: May 2010 Location: In the arms of my One & Only Posts: 15,095 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 35,994 Thanked 32,012 Times in 9,950 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	I totally hear both Dee and Anya. I agree with Dee that it's a cycle. I agree with Anya's therapists' assessment that her mother couldn't understand because she can't /couldn't. And, for me, because the two scenarios above which are persistent and present in both Dee and Anya's situational experiences, is exactly the reason why I had to break ties with my family, years ago. I went 10 years enforcing a no contact code between myself and my parents and siblings because of the cyclic nature of toxic relational ties between members of my family. I too have spent lots of time in therapy, during my ten year break from my family: Only to discover that for my own sanity, and safety and peace of mind, that the toxic controlling behaviors of my parents and siblings was something I did not have to be a participant in. The behaviors of my parents and siblings are still present in their lives, still to this day. It's why I literally moved myself physically away from where I grew up. I can visit with my mother by phone....but it's not peachy, all the time. When it gets to be too much work for me to navigate between any of us, I distance myself from them. It's about the only "signal" they cognizantly understand (if ever), due to the ten years I enforced a zero contact situation between myself and them. I'm actually worried that my mother is perilously close to having a massive stroke, which would upend the cozy, unhealthy reliance my siblings enjoy with my mother. Even lately, when I encourage my mother with steps she could take to look out for herself, rather than my remaining siblings, it's like she can't hear me or is so deeply entangled in the vicious cycle that it scares her to take steps to end her role in my family's unhealthy scenarios. Anyway.... I just wanted to share about my own family dilemmas because it's imperative that I remain vigilant in safe guarding myself when engaging with members of my family. And too, to express thar my heart goes out to Anya and Dee and anyone else who is dealing with ongoing family issues. __________________ Kätzchen _____ ______