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dixie · 04-30-2010, 11:38 PM

Oh yeah...body image issues? I got a ton of 'em. I know they stem back to childhood, but I still can't shake them. My parents had a lovely fairytale marriage where Dad was king of the castle and Mom was his queen. She lavished in the attention and didn't plan on giving it up. Unfortunately for her, antibiotics counteracted the birth control pills and ta-da! Here I be. She made it clear she didn't want kids, and that I was an intrusion on her perfect little world. (And for the record, Dad wanted kids, Mom was vehemently against kids...) Being smacked around all the time by her was nothing compared to the emotional digs I suffered. From the time I was in 3rd grade until I was in my 20s, my mother's comments to me were always the same: "You're too fat", "You're too ugly", "You're too stupid". This obviously made me feel like shit as a kid. By the time I got to high school I had starved my normally-woulda-been-healthy-size 10/12-frame into sizes 3/5. I was also on the honor roll and was told I was a "natural beauty", so I beat her at those too. But you know how it goes...all that just made her taunts get more and more cruel. Luckily, after a lot of talking and therapy, Mom and I have a good relationship now (finally, since I'm almost 31) and she admitted she was wrong in her treatment of me while I was growing up and I try not to blame her for it. But still, she was my mother and I loved her, so I believed her for sooooo many years. Eventhough I forgive her and know now that she made a mistake, all that's kinda hard to unlearn, ya know?

And it doesn't help that when I had my son, I gained 80lbs. I lost most of that finally, and two years ago I was at a very healthy size 14. Then, I got put on new meds that caused serious weight gain. I gained over 100lbs in less than 7 months. Sadly, I never really even noticed it, until someone took a picture of me. I said "holy shit! that can't be me!!!" Yup, it was me. Somehow, in the last few months I've lost approximately 40lbs, so I am luckily on the right track.

But in all honesty...I don't think it will ever really matter what I weigh or what size I wear. I will always be saddled with the negative issue of myself. But that's okay too, because eventhough my body image ISN'T good, I know that the person inside me IS....

04-30-2010, 11:38 PM	#12
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,385 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Oh yeah...body image issues? I got a ton of 'em. I know they stem back to childhood, but I still can't shake them. My parents had a lovely fairytale marriage where Dad was king of the castle and Mom was his queen. She lavished in the attention and didn't plan on giving it up. Unfortunately for her, antibiotics counteracted the birth control pills and ta-da! Here I be. She made it clear she didn't want kids, and that I was an intrusion on her perfect little world. (And for the record, Dad wanted kids, Mom was vehemently against kids...) Being smacked around all the time by her was nothing compared to the emotional digs I suffered. From the time I was in 3rd grade until I was in my 20s, my mother's comments to me were always the same: "You're too fat", "You're too ugly", "You're too stupid". This obviously made me feel like shit as a kid. By the time I got to high school I had starved my normally-woulda-been-healthy-size 10/12-frame into sizes 3/5. I was also on the honor roll and was told I was a "natural beauty", so I beat her at those too. But you know how it goes...all that just made her taunts get more and more cruel. Luckily, after a lot of talking and therapy, Mom and I have a good relationship now (finally, since I'm almost 31) and she admitted she was wrong in her treatment of me while I was growing up and I try not to blame her for it. But still, she was my mother and I loved her, so I believed her for sooooo many years. Eventhough I forgive her and know now that she made a mistake, all that's kinda hard to unlearn, ya know? And it doesn't help that when I had my son, I gained 80lbs. I lost most of that finally, and two years ago I was at a very healthy size 14. Then, I got put on new meds that caused serious weight gain. I gained over 100lbs in less than 7 months. Sadly, I never really even noticed it, until someone took a picture of me. I said "holy shit! that can't be me!!!" Yup, it was me. Somehow, in the last few months I've lost approximately 40lbs, so I am luckily on the right track. But in all honesty...I don't think it will ever really matter what I weigh or what size I wear. I will always be saddled with the negative issue of myself. But that's okay too, because eventhough my body image ISN'T good, I know that the person inside me IS....