I used to think that I was not very romantic. Then I had two long term relationships in a row with people who weren't romantic at all (after getting used to dating people who would be romantic once in a blue moon) and I came to realize that no, actually, I really am and it's something that's important to me in a relationship... After voicing my desires to no avail, in the end those relationships made me feel like I just wasn't worth the effort. I won't ever allow that to happen again.
Maybe it's not very hip to admit to wanting flowers and poetry and the whole nine yards (at least in certain circles), but damn it, I do, and I'm so sick of being made to feel somehow defective, a bad feminist, or hopelessly old fashioned for wanting it (not by anyone here - just generally). For me personally, it used to be something I would deny about myself and try desperately to ignore or downplay (along with most of the traditionally "feminine" aspects of my personality) and now it's something I embrace after years of struggling with it.
Some of the stuff we derisively peg as romantic or Hallmark-y, I think it's because it's just really overdone or it's because it's done insincerely or indiscriminately. I don't think that there is anything inherently cheesy or impersonal about flowers, poetry, or any of the things we sometimes roll our eyes at. I think the key is the intent, sincerity of the persons involved, and communication. If you bring me red roses on a date because that's "just something you do" as opposed to putting thought into it and finding out what I actually like (or if I like them at all), then yeah, kinda formulaic, though I would still find it sweet and appreciate the effort (and also the novelty of it as it would be a first for me). If, however, you make the effort to discover that I like white roses, lilacs, and pink carnations (don't judge me
) and whip out one of those, to me that is super romantic. Likewise, if I invite you over for a home cooked meal and some snuggling while we watch a movie, it could be considered formulaic and impersonal if I just put something together like pasta or lasagna, light a few candles, and have a random recent release ready for you. Instead, maybe you prefer Indian food and would appreciate a dish of
roghan josh, incense over candles, and maybe you have a thing for retro kung-fu movies or really obscure and slightly depressing French films.
I think most anything can be romantic, even the things that seem overplayed at first glance, if done right.
Romance is also important for me to just keep the relationship alive and sparking and so that I don't end up feeling like I have a glorified roommate who I also sleep with when the mood strikes.
I want to be with someone who wants to lay out on the grass in a field and look at the stars.
I want to be with someone who enjoys reading poetry/prose/whatever out loud to each other while snuggled up in bed.
I want to be with someone who thinks little love notes and surprises "just because" are sweet and not corny.
I want to be with someone who understands the importance of physical affection outside of the bedroom and the sweetness of an unexpectedly gentle touch.
I want to be swept off my feet just once so I can know what it feels like.
I want to be with someone who is comfortable with both receiving and giving romantic gestures and who understands it doesn't diminish them or their masculinity in any way to be "caught" doing so.
Basically, I want someone who speaks the same "language" and understands that in a relationship this stuff is the good stuff.
