[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Femmadian

So earlier this year I cut my hair in a pretty significant (for me) way, donating something like 14 inches and going from waist length curls to a "lob" and just recently I got new glasses which, when I tried them on in store, I immediately thought, "wow, these are so gay." They remind me a bit of Alex Vause's glasses but with a more flattering bridge. So, needless to say, I got them.

And now, new hair and fashionably nerdy glasses in tow, I'm getting the nod and knowing looks so much more! I'm still very Femme-presenting and am stylistically a long way from the pink haired, amply tattooed style that's kind of seen as the default for gay women in certain urban areas, and yet... I've actually had other lesbians seek me out in town because I "didn't look straight" and if I am friendly to a more obviously gay-looking woman I don't know yet, they are so much more receptive to the entire interaction. It's kind of blowing my mind to see first hand the difference in how I'm treated from the get-go and also makes me realize just how cut off I was from in-person community before.

I'd be curious to hear about the specifics of what has worked for you guys over the years, if anything surprised you, and if you ever had a time when your visibility spiked as a result of incidental changes.

Yup. A black leather motorcycle jacket made me visible. It was like turning on a beacon light. I felt the power the first time I wore one and I've never forgotten it. My motorcycle and rainbow sticker bedecked motorcycle helmet finished the job. Now that I own a car and no longer ride all year I often have none of the above signifiers on or around me. As a result I'm now presumed straight in all sorts of circumstances, but I'm somehow seldom aware that I'm being misidentified. That said, I'm told that once I open my mouth and start speaking I'm SO gay.