[Soft*Silver]

I use to have this laundry list of what I looked for in someone. It started it out with the "givens"..honesty, faithfulness, emotionally available, sober, good conversationalist, responsible, financially secure, developmentally mature, good hygiene, accepting of my daughter, understands my love of horses, and of course, trustworthy.

I have dated people who were not those things...in one or more ways. I thought that I could ignore these characteristics I desired or I thought they had the potential for these things and in time would come around to them.

I was just plain stupid in thinking that! But until recently, I was angry at them for not meeting up with my desires.

Fairly recently I have pretty much decided that the real answer lies in me. I need to be all of the above and not quiver away from it when the other person doesnt seem to fit. Its ME that doesnt fit them! ME!

So, I have worked hard at making sure I am secure in myself and that I have myself, what characteristics I want in someone else.

right now I have a LDR with a very nice guy. We are moving very slowly...very very slowly....meaning no geographic changes, and no making decisions in our personal lives based on the other person. We love and care for the other...but we both are working on ourselves. Until we are ready, we simply arent ready for the Big Stuff.

So...what I needed in someone, was for them not to grab for the brass ring when the ride just started. What I needed was to have that brass ring and enjoy it and wait awhile befire I am willing to share it with someone else, and not just give them a free ride.

What I want, is to live happily ever after...and what I know, is I am doing that..with or without someone. I am the only one who can make me happy. Me. Someone can match me, like a twin, in happiness but I am not relying on anyone again, to do for me what I need to do for myself.

I am so much calmer nowadays...lol.